To Stay or To Go

I should have been resigned at the end of March 2011, but my boss' request for a 15-day extension was something I cannot refuse. I also wanted to stay as long as possible because the boyfriend got reassigned in the Metro (great timing!).

So, even with the extension of y employment, I still have one pending deliverable to the office. After that, I'd probably run out of reasons to not head back to Davao. Hay, I want to stay but I have to go. Not much choice there.

In the meantime, I have returned to reading and hoarding books. I may have to write another post on those books because I've just borrowed my sister's laptop.

Bigger Things

During dinner with my sister Mia, I'd come to a stark realization that time flies and now, more than ever is the time to gauge such passage of time by how much fulfillment there is in the things we spent most of our time on. The logical conclusion to this realization is my resignation from the law firm that I work for.

It is bad enough that the private practice of law is innately stressful, I happen to have a power-tripping boss who cannot seem to get through the day without banging the door and lashing at something or someone. I have decided to tender my resignation effective at the end of March.

As I was drafting my letter, I felt an immense sense of relief and at the same time, remorse. Relief because I will now have the chance to "search my soul" and be free from worrying that I might end up spending all my time in something I no longer am passionate about. Remorse because I could have done this sooner and spared my heart the bother. But until I tender that letter, my head will be battering my heart for this decision.

That the month of February proved to be most stressful for me is evidenced by how my weight did a yo-yo, at how many unfinished books I have started, and at how much I managed to hoard.

The books I was able to finish:

The books which remained on my bedside are:

The books I have bought (and even I am appalled at myself, but I simply could not help it):

On February 4:

A Maggot by John Fowles

A Fanatic Heart by Edna O'Brien

On February 11:

Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

On February 14:

Exit Music by Ian Rankin

Carpentaria by Alexis Wright

On February 15:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

The Taste of a Man  by Slavenka Drakulic

The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin

The Means of Escape by Penelope Fitzgerald

Crackpots by Sara Pritchard

A River Town by Thomas Keneally

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner

On February 20:

The Book of Where by Neil Bell

Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres

Success by Martin Amis

If the River was Whiskey by T.C. Boyle

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

Will the Boat Sink the Water? by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

Eating Mammals  by John Barlow

Stop Breakin Down by John McManus

The Course of the Heart by M. John Harrison

Unless by Carol Shields

On February 25:

The B.S. Factor: The Theory and Technique of Faking It in America by Arthur Herzog

The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Once: Poems by Alice Walker

Pooh's Birthday Book A.A. Milne

On February 27:

Holes by Louis Sachar

The Van by Roddy Doyle

The Family Markowitz by Allegra Goodman

The Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters

Home by Marilynne Robinson

For this stressful month, I even have a band/artist for the month: the Modest Mouse and I even found out that the band was cited in a US Supreme Court decision through their wikipedia page.

For March, I just wish my heart and mind would reconcile and that I'd finally find the one thing in the world that I would voluntarily devote myself to, and I so invoke the intervention of whatever gods there may be for this simple wish to come true.

New Year, Same Me

Of the January that went by in a blur, I had the right balance of work and play. Of work, swamp could be such an understatement to describe how the first month of 2011 was. I had work left from the past year and I had more coming in, that I simply had to stop, breathe and of course, read, and to top it off, travel.

I may have mentioned that the stress levels at my workplace is directly proportional to the number of books I could finish (and I could buy) somewhere in this blog. For January 2011, these were crossed out of my reading list:

Currently by my bedside are:

My parents, brother and I went to Singapore, and took a side trip to Kuala Lumpur just to see the Petronas towers. That 5-day trip was a real eye opener. Somehow, I have high hopes for the Philippines. But all the hopes could never catch up with what Singapore, and even Malaysia have. We used to be the tiger among the Southeast Asian countries. But now, we're too far down the line as the peso's purchasing power would attest (exchange rates between the peso and Singapore dollar is at, give or take, Php34.00, while that of Malaysian ringgit is at, give or take Php14.00).

Given the stress at work (and I wonder what other profession considers stress levels as bragging rights), and even at home and all the ruminations about the future of the Philippines, I was tempted to relocate to Singapore.

I'm still thinking about that prospect, in the meantime, I bought these from Kinokuniya (a popular bookstore in Singapore, with branches all over Asia and the Pacific, except Philippines:

The new year is here, the Chinese new year is yet to come and I still am the same old me, wishing for a better Philippines.