the bookworm in me

To Stay or To Go

2011-04-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

I should have been resigned at the end of March 2011, but my boss' request for a 15-day extension was something I cannot refuse. I also wanted to stay as long as possible because the boyfriend got reassigned in the Metro (great timing!).

So, even with the extension of y employment, I still have one pending deliverable to the office. After that, I'd probably run out of reasons to not head back to Davao. Hay, I want to stay but I have to go. Not much choice there.

In the meantime, I have returned to reading and hoarding books. I may have to write another post on those books because I've just borrowed my sister's laptop.

Bigger Things

2011-02-27T22:44:00.001+08:00

During dinner with my sister Mia, I'd come to a stark realization that time flies and now, more than ever is the time to gauge such passage of time by how much fulfillment there is in the things we spent most of our time on. The logical conclusion to this realization is my resignation from the law firm that I work for.

It is bad enough that the private practice of law is innately stressful, I happen to have a power-tripping boss who cannot seem to get through the day without banging the door and lashing at something or someone. I have decided to tender my resignation effective at the end of March.

As I was drafting my letter, I felt an immense sense of relief and at the same time, remorse. Relief because I will now have the chance to "search my soul" and be free from worrying that I might end up spending all my time in something I no longer am passionate about. Remorse because I could have done this sooner and spared my heart the bother. But until I tender that letter, my head will be battering my heart for this decision.

That the month of February proved to be most stressful for me is evidenced by how my weight did a yo-yo, at how many unfinished books I have started, and at how much I managed to hoard.

The books I was able to finish:

The books which remained on my bedside are:

The books I have bought (and even I am appalled at myself, but I simply could not help it):

On February 4:

A Maggot by John Fowles

A Fanatic Heart by Edna O'Brien

On February 11:

Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

On February 14:

Exit Music by Ian Rankin

Carpentaria by Alexis Wright

On February 15:

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig

The Taste of a Man by Slavenka Drakulic

The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin

The Means of Escape by Penelope Fitzgerald

Crackpots by Sara Pritchard

A River Town by Thomas Keneally

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner

On February 20:

The Book of Where by Neil Bell

Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres

Success by Martin Amis

If the River was Whiskey by T.C. Boyle

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

Will the Boat Sink the Water? by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

Eating Mammals by John Barlow

Stop Breakin Down by John McManus

The Course of the Heart by M. John Harrison

Unless by Carol Shields

On February 25:

The B.S. Factor: The Theory and Technique of Faking It in America by Arthur Herzog

The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Once: Poems by Alice Walker

Pooh's Birthday Book A.A. Milne

On February 27:

Holes by Louis Sachar

The Van by Roddy Doyle

The Family Markowitz by Allegra Goodman

The Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters

Home by Marilynne Robinson

For this stressful month, I even have a band/artist for the month: the Modest Mouse and I even found out that the band was cited in a US Supreme Court decision through their wikipedia page.

For March, I just wish my heart and mind would reconcile and that I'd finally find the one thing in the world that I would voluntarily devote myself to, and I so invoke the intervention of whatever gods there may be for this simple wish to come true.

New Year, Same Me

2011-02-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

Of the January that went by in a blur, I had the right balance of work and play. Of work, swamp could be such an understatement to describe how the first month of 2011 was. I had work left from the past year and I had more coming in, that I simply had to stop, breathe and of course, read, and to top it off, travel.

I may have mentioned that the stress levels at my workplace is directly proportional to the number of books I could finish (and I could buy) somewhere in this blog. For January 2011, these were crossed out of my reading list:

Currently by my bedside are:

My parents, brother and I went to Singapore, and took a side trip to Kuala Lumpur just to see the Petronas towers. That 5-day trip was a real eye opener. Somehow, I have high hopes for the Philippines. But all the hopes could never catch up with what Singapore, and even Malaysia have. We used to be the tiger among the Southeast Asian countries. But now, we're too far down the line as the peso's purchasing power would attest (exchange rates between the peso and Singapore dollar is at, give or take, Php34.00, while that of Malaysian ringgit is at, give or take Php14.00).

Given the stress at work (and I wonder what other profession considers stress levels as bragging rights), and even at home and all the ruminations about the future of the Philippines, I was tempted to relocate to Singapore.

I'm still thinking about that prospect, in the meantime, I bought these from Kinokuniya (a popular bookstore in Singapore, with branches all over Asia and the Pacific, except Philippines:

The new year is here, the Chinese new year is yet to come and I still am the same old me, wishing for a better Philippines.

2010 in Retrospect

2010-12-28T14:43:00.001+08:00

The words that could best sum up my 2010 would have to be -- one roller coaster ride.

For one, the period of waiting for the bar 2009 bar exam results ended and life as a lawyer began.

For another, the boyfriend got reassigned in Cebu and since June, I'd been there and back twice.

For the most part, family and their health have never been better, save for my Godfather's demise a day before Christmas (and I wasn't there, and couldn't come home).

There were all the books read, movies and TV shows/series seen, music heard, all the gastronomic delights and the travels within Luzon for vistas.

This year also ushered in a lot of enriching experiences, blunders of a neophyte lawyer as well as pleadings approved without a single revision (if you know my boss, that would have really been a great achievement).

The next year is proving to be as exciting as the year 2010. I can only say, whatever is in store for me this 2011, bring it on!

Gifts For Myself

2010-12-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

First stop, I had the lenses to my eyeglasses replaced with the same photochromic lenses I was using. The gift certificates given by one of the senior partners in the firm meant that I saved almost five grand on the lenses alone. (Thank God for generous bosses!) I just hope our Christmas bonuses didn't figure into the GCs we received.

Second stop, the only shop I care to spend hours on, Book Sale (hehe). These are my finds for today:

Third, I got SB's 2011 Planner. I've been collecting SB planners since 2006. Oh well, I am a sucker for notebooks, writing pads, other paper stuffs and office supplies and of course, the coffee too (especially at Starbucks where Espresso shots can be added to suit one's caffeine fixes).

Fourth, I might receive an ebook reader (fingers, even toes, crossed) from my sister. But if I won't, then I'd definitely be saving up on that. The iPad seems like a contender but I love how Kindle or Nook's format is in e-ink which is so close to the original physical paperbacks and are way lighter.

Fifth, for our gift giving in the office, we were made to list down our wishes. I wrote down a gun as one of my "impossible" wishes for this Christmas. My name got picked by the partner who hired me and is known to give his "baby" everything he/she lists. He phoned me yesterday, gave me a client's name and contact details whose business was selling guns, so that I could pick out the gun I wanted. I declined, but if my boss insists, I'd accept the gun (I think, LOL).

Lastly, I was told that there is something in a little velvet box for me with an amethyst stone on it. (*.*)

On the books I've finished in November, these are:

1. Julie Hecht's The Unprofessionals about the friendship between a teenage junkie and a middle-aged woman who is perpetually on anti-depressants, which friendship did nothing to prevent the teenage junkie from committing suicide.

2. Roland Merullo's Fidel's Last Days which depicted a botched assassination of Fidel Castro leading to a premature take over by his assassinators.

3. Erma Bombeck's Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession illustrating the different kinds of mothers and their responses to child bearing, rearing and weaning. (Note: Erma's works are categorized under Humor and so, topics as serious as motherhood is given a light treatment without necessarily veering away from the reality of it)

4. Graham Greene's The Ministry of Fear set my heart racing for a former soldier who was caught in a web of conspiracy among spies in London circa second world war.

Currently, the following titles are on my bedside:

1. Philip Roth's Operation Shylock: A Confession

2. Ward Just's Forgetfulness

3. Kim Ponders' The Art of Uncontrollable Flight

4. Charlaine Harris' Definitely Dead and All Together Dead

Because I'm Such A Truebie

2010-11-08T23:22:00.004+08:00

I have finished two more installments of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Generally, books turned movies/TV series aren't rendered faithfully and thus, they tend to be disappointing to watch . However, I find Trueblood quite the contrary. I happen to like the series more than the novels. Maybe because the novels are far too romance-y for me.

I was able to spend a part of October at home, mainly for Nanay's 60th birthday. Rummaging through my old stuffs, I found lots of unread paperbacks. Most of them were from college days in Baguio and about two-thirds are considered "Classics." I only brought back with me these ones:

On the pretext that I'd be bookhunting for the nieces and a nephew, I could not help but get these for myself:

Currently, I am down to the last 60 pages of Joseph Heller's Catch-22 (it takes me so long to finish an ebook because I don't like reading from either the netbook or the phone. My brother suggests I get an ebook reader. For now, I'll just stick with physical books.)

Virginia Wolf's The Waves is shelved, at the moment, because I find that one needs to be in a certain mood (which is a tad bit difficult to induce), in a certain place and time (most definitely the beach on a sunny day) before an appreciation of the book's poignancy can be had.

The physical book I'm currently sticking up my nose in is Julie Hecht's The Unprofessionals. The title is reason enough for me to pick the book.

the sale i couldn't resist

2010-10-16T16:43:00.003+08:00

it didn't matter that i was sick yesterday, all that mattered then was to get myself to National Bookstore's warehouse sale. i got the books that i wanted. but i'd gotten more. i grabbed everybody's attention when i almost nearly fainted while queuing at the cashier. i thank God i didn't came by myself. i had my sister with me. even then, NBS people really took the time to see to it that i had white flower (they thought of spirit of ammonia, but they didn't have any) , water, ventilation and even a means of transportation back to CGS.

here are my finds:

from top to bottom: (the hardbound ones fetched for Php 20 each, while the soft bound ones ranged from Php50 to Php150 because they're new)

1. National Geographic's 2010 Almanac for Kids (this is for my nieces and nephew)
2. Lauren Slater's Lying:A Metaphorical Memoir
3. James Hynge's China Shakes the World: The Rise of a Hungry Nation
4. Roland Merullo's Fidel's Last Days
5. Thrity Umrigar's If Today Be Sweet
6. Bret Lott's Before We Get Started
7. Walter Mosley's The Man in my Basement
8. Roberto Calasso's K
9. Lynne Cox's Grayson
10. Mariano Miguel Montanes' Pablo Picasso: The Last Days
11. James Hillman's A Terrible Love of War
12. Elie Wiesel's The Time of the Uprooted
13. Max Byrd's Shooting the Sun
14. Patrick Ryan's Send Me
15. Ivan Doig's Prairie Nocturne
16. George Hagen's The Laments

i've also found these at book sale for Php20:

i've been trying to finish these:

the Sookie Stackhouse omnibus is loaned to me, so i have to finish that soon. my copy of "The Waves" is from booksale. it has this receipt from Barnes and Nobles Bookstore dated October 18, 1983 (i wasn't even born yet). somehow, the receipt got me thinking of my own existence and my quest to retire early to an island with my books (such wishful and wistful thinking).

counting months by the books i've read and bought

2010-09-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

August and September consisted of these:

the ones I've read are:

G.V. Desani's "All About H. Hatterr" was wildly hilarious, albeit colloquial which tends to hamper one's comprehension of the author's thoughts. "Eat, Pray, Love" By Elizabeth Gilbert detailed one woman's quest for inner peace and what one must go through to attain it. Carrie Tiffany's "Everyman's Rules for Scientific Living" is one of the 50 Books You Can't Put Down for 2007 (Australia's literacy project of sorts) which depicted how failures impact persons from different backgrounds; like in the novel, the scientific man who is guided by rules and logic responded to failure by enlisting in the army for the war, while the woman who was an orphan and a seamstress, carried on with her life even after the scientific man left her. M.J. Hyland's "How the Light Gets In" interested me because M.J. Hyland's short bio at the back cover of the book revealed that she is an "ex-lawyer." (hm, it's a possibility for me too!)

the ones i bought:

Salman Rushdie's "The Ground Beneath Her Feet" and Mitch Albom's "For One More Day" are from Lung Center's Sunday market.

Jaan Kross' "Treading Air" and Joan London's "Gilgamesh" are dregs from the Powerbooks' Power Sale.

"The Drink and Dream Teahouse" by Justin Hill was a buy one take one deal from those booths in Megamall's exhibit areas (this was the "take," what i bought was that M.J. Hyland novel).

"After the Wreck, I Picked Myself Up, Spread My Wings, and Flew Away" by Joyce Carol Oates and "Vanessa & Virginia" by Susan Sellers are from Bestsellers (which is owned by National Bookstore) at Podium.

"The Story of Edgar Sawtelle" by David Wroblewski, "A Fine Balance" by Rohinton Mistry, "The Discomfort Zone" by Jonathan Franzen and "Operation Shylock: A Confession" by Philip Roth are all from Booksale.

this is what i'm currently reading:

Margaret Atwood's "The Blind Assassin" consist of three seemingly unrelated tales which according to the gist at the back cover of the book will be interwoven to provide the proper context for the three tales. i can't wait to get to the ending.

my pre-powerbooks' power sale finds

2010-08-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

I missed out big time on the month long Powerbooks' Power Sale (15 July - 15 August) because of work. nonetheless, i don't really mind because even prior to that sale, Powerbooks at Mega already had a sale. these are what I got after rummaging through the piles and piles of books, which were dirt cheap and in near mint condition (two of them even had their plastic wraps):

1. Alice Walker's "The Same River Twice"

2.Salvador Plascencia's "The People of Paper"

3. Graham Greene's "The Ministry of Fear"

4. John Steinbeck's "The Log from the Sea of Cortez"

5. Edward P. Jones' "All Aunt Hagar's Children"

6. Will Clarke's "Lord Vishnu's Love Handles"

7. Don De Lillo's "The Day Room"

8. Carrie Tiffany's "Everyman's Rules for Scientific Living"

9. Geoffrey Chaucer's "Everyman's Poetry"

10. Josephine Ross' "Jane Austen's Guide to Good Manners: Compliments, Charades and Horrible Blunders"

10. Kaye Gibbons' "Divining Women"

11. Robert Louis Stevenson's "Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"

12. G. V. Desani's "All About H. Hatterr" (which is what i'm currently reading and reminded me so much of Laurence Sterne's "The Life and opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman").

the images are so crude. thus, note to self, improve on the art of editing pictures. for now, enjoy H. Hatterr who "write(s) rigmarole English, staining your goodly godly tongue: but, friend, I forsook my Form, School and Head, while you stuck to yours, learning reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic."

stress buster

2010-08-07T11:15:00.000+08:00

since July came, i have been able to finish these:

i have realized that the speed with which i've read these books is directly proportional to the degree of stress in my workplace. i could not recall having read as much books in the past months than in the month of July.

of these 5 books, "The People of Paper" by Salvador Plascencia proved to be avant garde, consisting of a plot entirely new and foreign to me, because the characters in the book waged a war against the fate chosen for them by the author but they ended up defeated, of course.

"London Fields" by Martin Amis is in a way, a fresh way of story telling considering that the author is laying several planes of existence in that, there is a writer in the novel who wrote a book about a murder. it isn't as simple as that though, because the characters of the book within the book are not fictional.

"The Loss of Leon Meed" by Josh Emmons is reminiscent of the guy in "The Time Traveller's Wife" because Leon Meed also disappeared and appeared randomly in a small-town in California. it was quite engaging at first, but the ending just sucked. oh well, i prefer grand and dramatic endings. this one ended with Leon's bouts of appearance and disappearance unexplained and that ten years later, he was found dead in his cabin. it still was a good read.

"The View from Saturday" is a children's book which is not to say that it is intended only for kids. i'd like to think that there is so much to learn from the kids, even though they have the diadvantage of age if wisdom is to be premised on that. it was such a light read, literally and mentally but not emotionally.

"On Beauty" by Zadie Smith is another book i can tick off from the list of books one should read before one dies. if there is any topic worth writing and reaqding about, it's on families. the complexities, realities and idiosyncracies of such an arrangement were all beautifully depicted in this novel. i had a good laugh over the many similarities of families which cut across cultures.

currently, i am reading:

"All Shall Be Well; and All Shall Be Well; and All Manner of Things Shall Be Well" by Tod Wodicka which is about a widowed history teacher who, in order to escape his present, tried to live in the past, as in the Medieval Ages, with the tunic outfit and sandals worn in those times.

more books from the 1001 books one must read before one dies

2010-07-01T00:13:00.001+08:00

of the books in that list, these are my recent finds (since i am intent on not only reading the books in that list, but also to have hard copies of them, i bought these):

(From left to right): "Billy Bathgate" by E.L. Doctorow;

"The Body Artist" by Don Delillo;

"Birdsong" by Seebastian Faulks;

"The Blind Assassin" by Margaret Atwood; and

"The Shipping News" by Annie Proulx.

In the meantime, i still am finishing Martin Amis' "London Fields" which regrettably was a great deal cheaper in another book sale than the one where i got my copy from. but what's done is done and it's still great deal cheaper than brand new books.

"The Plot Against America" by Philip Roth

2010-06-23T00:53:00.000+08:00

should be required reading for Political Science majors.

i never imagined that extending a real life Hitler's character into fiction would leave me feeling distraught. and yet i am. it has been quite a while since a book struck a chord in me. it may well be because i could identify with the character of Philip Roth when i was his age.

in this novel, Roth toyed with the idea of imbuing America with anti-Semitic sentiments causing terror to the multitude of jews who sought refuge under democratic and tolerant America. the terror described in the book was so riveting and at the same time revolting that i couldn't help but finish the book until the wee hours of the morning. this means, i get to tick off one book from the list of 1001 books to read before one dies.

currently, Martin Amis' "London Fields," which is also in the said list, is the book i'll be burying my nose into for the next couple of weeks.

because of the earthquake drill

2010-06-18T21:31:00.001+08:00

i was left with an hour or so to while away. and it brought me to megamall's booksale where i found these:

Martin Amis' "London Fields" was depicted by the Washington Post as "a book that buzzes around in your brain long after you've gone on to other things." since i rarely get to read such a review of books, i was enticed to pick this.

"On Beauty" by Zadie Smith is among the 1001 books one should read before one dies. i have read her first book, "White Teeth" back in college and found her lyrically enchanting. i love how she plays with words. in this one, the Washington Post labelled her "a postmodern Charles Dickens."

Toni Morrison's "Song of Solomon" is also among the list of 1001 books one must read before one dies (and obviously, i'm not only planning to read the 1001 books but i also plan to have complete hard copies of them. wish me luck!)

William Kennedy's "The Albany Novels" fetched a PhP115.00 tag, and all three novels are there. what a bargain!

"The Loss of Leon Meed" by Josh Emmons was dubbed by The New York Times as "jauntily clever" and i want to find out what exactly that means.

owing to the growing number of books that i have accumulated since the bar exams were over, i am making a pact to stop buying more and catch up on reading everything (unless, there's a really hard to find book which is being sold at a bargain).

because i couldn't resist PhP20 books

2010-06-07T00:33:00.001+08:00

i got carrierd away by these:

Toni Morrison's first novel, "The Bluest Eye" got Oprah's Book Club recommendation on it. they say, Oprah's endorsement of a book guarantees the book's success. it doesn't work the same way for movies though. but this one, i bought not because of Oprah's stamp on it, but because it's won the Nobel Prize in literature.

"Bel Canto" by Ann Patchett is intriguing. it won in the Orange Prize which is dedicated to the celebration and promotion of fiction written by women. the novel mixed art, politics and love. i have yet to read how.

Joseph Heller's "Catch as Catch Can" is his collected short stories with purportedly, a lost chapter of his novel, "Catch-22." i cannot wait to get started on this because i immensely enjoyed his "Catch-22."

Kent Haruf's "Plainsong" is about the story of a small town (reminding of my own hometown). the book promises to lift the reader off the ground, and in time, i'll be counting on that promise.

Ward Just's "Forgetfulness" was hailed as one of the best books of 2006. apart from that fact, i was curious about his name. i don't get to see the surname "Just" too often. i'll google him in a bit :)

i got William Kennedy's "Roscoe" for PhP5! but i didn't get it just because of that. this has been dubbed in the reviews as Kennedy's finest novel.

William Gaddis' "A Frolic of HIs Own" mocks the legal profession (which i'm in) and i have yet to find out why and to what extent. granted that there are really members of the profession worthy to be stripped of their licenses, but there are also those who strongly believe that justice, in the sense of giving what is due one, must and should prevail.

since work prevents me from reading novels full time, i have set every night before bed time as my reading hour. for the past week, i've been kept awake by Syjuco's "Ilustrado." i'm halfway through, and i can't wait to finish it. he's truly deserving of that Man Asian Literary Award.

books to chase my blues away

2010-05-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

on account of A's impending deployment to Visayas, i went into a bookshop and tried not to wallow in that old familiar feeling of always being the one left behind. but the relief from the trip to that bookshop was short-lived. when i got home, i was awashed with the feeling that i tried to evade. hay, there's no getting used to his line of work. all that i can hold on to is that, there is signal where he's heading and if i'd be overwhelmed by so much sadness, it's just a plane ride away.

these are what i got:

"Divisadero" is by the author of "The English Patient," Michael Ondaatje. this review by the New York Times got me interested.

Tim Farrington's "The Monk Upstairs" is a sequel to his "The Monk Downstairs" (which i haven't read yet). the novel promises to "reveal what really happens when two people from very different walks of life fall in love, get married and live under the same roof. i got this because i couldn't find anything lighter than this. although now that i come to think of it, i regret not choosing Jerry Spinelli's "Smiles To Go." (i'll come back for that next week)

i have heard so much about Jack Kerouac and when i read the flap of the book, "Dr. Sax," i decided to buy it because the book offers a glimpse of Kerouac's boyhood in Lowell, Massachusetts.

retail therapy only works for me when it's about books

2010-05-17T00:33:00.006+08:00

and being the impressionable lad that i am, i succumb to books with interesting plots and an even interesting, bordering on curious titles from whatever source or inspiration.

E.L. Konigsburg's "The View from Saturday" piqued my curiousity on account of the characters described at the back of the book and how these seemingly ordinary characters turn out to be champions in a competition.

"Touching Earth" caught my attention when on its first page, the author gives prospective readers a warning that the book is a dreadfully sordid world and not for the faint-hearted. (because of this, i can't wait to devour this one.)

i have heard so much raves and praises for Philip Roth's "The Plot Against America." i have read Roth's "The Dying Animal" and loved his prose. i have great expectations for this one.

Sarah Miller's "Miss Spitfire" caught my eye because of the title. when i got home the night i bought it, i immediately sat down to read it. i wasn't the least bit disappointed, in fact, i'm left wanting for more. so now, i'm looking for that biography which Helen Keller herself wrote about her "teacher."

i have heard of Miguel Syjuco's "Ilustrado" in Jessica Zafra's blog. what really prompted me to buy this is because the book promises to narrate and trace almost 150 years of Philippine history forged under the Spanish, the Americans, and the Filipinos themselves. (if there was anything about Cory's death that struck a chord in me, it would have to be her cancer -- because my brother was also claimed by it; and the fact that, during Cory's time, it was so good a time to be a Filipino. if that patriotic feeling can only be relived and nurtured, Inang Bayan would be proud.)

i rarely come across a book with a strange title as this, "All Shall Be Well; and All Shall Be Well; and All Manner of Things Shall Be Well" by Tod Wodicka. the plot itself is strange, because the main character's set in NY city but he acts as if he's in the medieval ages.

by far, this has got to be my favorite Erma Bombeck book, "A Marriage Made in Heaven or Too tired for an Affair." this came out beautifully because Erma laid herself, her marriage and her family openly before the public. what's more, after having read this, i instantly understood what one wanted out of marriage -- companionship, the feeling that you'd be in it together, come what may. for Erma, she had contemplated murdering her husband but never divorce.

"Miss Spitfire: Reaching Helen Keller" by Sarah Miller

2010-05-09T17:06:00.004+08:00

is what i'm currently reading. i'm supposed to study a bunch of COMELEC resolutions for tomorrow's duties but after working two saturdays in a row, i feel that i needed a break from all the legalese i've been confronted all week (not to mention the dead end i've reached in one of the defenses i've tried to raise in an answer to a complaint, sigh).

i'm down to the last 40 pages, and i've immensely enjoyed every single page of this book. Annie Sullivan, who also became blind at an early age but got her eyesight back is teaching Helen Keller the three things she too learned to gain independence and be viewed as capable human beings, these are: obedience, love and language. to Annie, obedience is required of Hellen so that Annie could teach her. love, not the love that is tantamount to overindulgence and smothering but a love that could enable the person loved to be the person he/she is supposed to be. language, since Hellen is both blind and deaf, teaching her language was the tedious part. i'm still in the part where Helen's abilities consists of spelling words by writing the letters on Annie's palm, but there are times when Helen would still resort to her own signs to convey a word she already knows how to spell. much to Annie's frustration, she couldn't leave Hellen for fear that her family would only be content to have a tame and quiet Helen (which Annie achieved by subduing Helen because before that, Helen was likened to a savage beast who only knows two emotions, anger and pleasure) when Annie knew for a fact that Helen's mind was bright, after all, she spoke her first words at 6-months old.

i'll return to the book and find out how Annie bridges the gap between what's in Helen's mind and communicating it to the people around her.

squeezing these in

2010-04-29T23:40:00.008+08:00

i have a 5-day work week and during those days, i'm out of the house 12 hours a day. when i do get the chance to pop a DVD into the player, i do, but since nights are so short and sleep is far too precious, i content myself with what's on the TV. but earlier this week, (for the love of heavens i cannot recall the day!) i saw this beautiful movie, "An Education."

the movie is about an angsty teenager who tried to hasten her growing up period. she fell in love with a married man who had the temerity to ask for her hand in marriage. at that time, she didn't know the guy was married. she fell in love with his money, his charm (for he could sway the girl's parents with his sweet talks) and his sense of culture and arts. when she accepted his proposal, she also decided to quit school and abandon the idea of going to oxford university. (i know there's nothing wrong with that) the thing is, she did well academically. so, when she found out about his civil status, she called the wedding off and decided to go to college. she eventually wound up in oxford, with a youthful face and a lifetime's worth of lessons.

while doing my thing every morning, i try to read a page or two or more (which is almost always the case) of Saul Bellow's "Seize the Day." the book has quite a following. i have read this before but i have forgotten what it meant to me (i used to try to pick up something from these books). when i reached these lines, i remembered the emotions evoked from me.

"Oh God. Let me out of my troubles. Let me out of my thoughts, and let me do something better with myself. For all the time I have wasted I am very sorry. Let me out of this clutch and into a different life. For I am all balled up. Have mercy."

and these are currently on my shelves:

(for when i do my thing in the morning) according to Coelho, time is not what moves man to change. it's love!

(this is what's on my bedside, on days when sleep eludes me) i have heard great praises for this book from oprah. although that wasn't what prompted me to buy this one. the real reason, it's a hardcover edition for PhP10 only. so, why not?

(this is what's on my phone's acrobat reader, for those times when i need to wait on someone and i have nothing better to do to wile away the time) this one's really for laughs. let me quote an excerpt so as to illustrate how hilarious this book is:

"'A letter like this,' Milo mumbled despondently, 'could ruin any mess officer in the
world.' Milo had come to Yossarian's tent just to read the letter again, following his
carton of lost provisions across the squadron like a mourner. 'I have to give you as
much as you ask for. Why, the letter doesn't even say you have to eat all
of it yourself.'
'And it's a good thing it doesn't,' Yossarian told him, 'because I never eat any of it.
I have a liver condition.'
'Oh, yes, I forgot,' said Milo, in a voice lowered deferentially. 'Is it bad?'
'Just bad enough,' Yossarian answered cheerfully.
'I see,' said Milo. 'What does that mean?'
'It means that it couldn't be better'
'I don't think I understand.'
'without being worse. Now do you see?'
'Yes, now I see. But I still don't think I understand.'
'Well, don't let it trouble you. Let it trouble me. You see, I don't really have a liver
condition. I've just got the symptoms. I have a Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome.'
'I see,' said Milo. 'And what is a Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome?'
'A liver condition.'
'I see,' said Milo, and began massaging his black eyebrows together wearily with an
expression of interior pain, as though waiting for some stinging discomfort he was
experiencing to go away. 'In that case,' he continued finally, 'I suppose you do have
to be very careful about what you eat, don't you?.
'Very careful indeed,' Yossarian told him. 'A good Garnett-Fleischaker syndrome
isn't easy to come by, and I don't want to ruin mine.
That's why I never eat any fruit.'
'Now I do see,' said Milo. 'Fruit is bad for your liver?'
'No, fruit is good for my liver. That's why I never eat any.'"

the books i found at home in Lupon

2010-04-14T17:49:00.004+08:00

made me realize that a lot of them have gone UNREAD. so i brought some over just so i could get around to reading them here during my free time. the others, they would have to wait till i get a place of my own where i could set up a real library for me. by then, i'd retire and be the librarian of my own library (hehe, why not?)!

"The Green Book" is about exploring the idea that democraccy as we know it is not the true democracy. I got this from a dormmate.

"Main Street" is considered a part of the classics. I haven't then formed an interest in anything I can hardly pronounce, much less in anything i can't read in silence.

This is a page from "The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy." I found the book outrageous, hilarious even because I happened to have a teacher who was so big on postmodernity. this book certainly qualifies because it exemplifies everything that a writer shouldn't do. (some of the chapters are just a sentence-long. some of the sentences even are not at all sentences.)

"The Bridge of San Luis Rey" is a book about death but surprisingly, after having read this, I felt very comforted. It must have been because of the last line in the book which goes: "But soon we shall die and the memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the ony meaning."

went out on a bookhunting frenzy

2010-03-19T17:21:00.006+08:00

after being in the condo for a week with only the TV, DVD player, laptop, some books, a sister who sleeps in the morning and is out at night and a boyfriend who's here most nights when he's not so busy serving his country as company (and the couch too!). i decided to run some errands today. bookhunting was not in my agenda. until, i finished my errands way too early than i expected and the headache-inducing weather made it so punishing to be out and walking. i went from one booksale to another. these are my finds for the day:

i fell in love with

2010-03-18T17:39:00.003+08:00

this boy, Nicholas McAnulty, from the film "The Boys are Back."

one of his lines which had me laughing so hard because it was so reminiscent of my nephew's own clever quips goes, "Daddy, come here, i'm begging you with my whole mouth."

neil gaiman's "fragile things"

2010-03-12T02:59:00.005+08:00

since i am not at home these past few days, i've decided to borrow some books from my sister. this one is on her shelf. the book is a collection of short stories (i'm sure i can't handle a full length novel these days since i'm vacillating between babysiting, organizing the sister's house and thinking about the impending release of the results).

i have never read Gaiman before, but not because of lack of interest. i have already heard of his comics (The Sandman) but i wasn't quite sure he'd be as entertaining as an author, plus, i couldn't get ahold of his books back in davao. i'm still in the first few pages of the book. i want to read on and find out if it is any good.

Eugenides' "Middlesex"

2010-02-19T18:44:00.003+08:00

when i first heard about the book, i wondered what the author was referring to. it was a good thing i caught Oprah's interview of Mr. Eugenides. he mentioned the fact that it took him 5 years to write the book because not being an intersexual himself, he made sure that the medical part of it was well-researched. with that, i couldn't help but admire the man, not only for his passion but for trying on an intersexual's shoes.

i am just in the first 50 pages of the book. the first sentence whetted my appetite, which goes:

"I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974. "

this could be a good weekend to finish the book. so thank God i'm not in Baguio :)

on short stories

2010-02-05T19:30:00.003+08:00

i've started to like short stories back in law school for its brevity. (i was always pressed for time then). what was regrettable though was i couldn't get to relish the "message/lesson" underneath the stories because most times, i just read them for escape.

these days, i have taken to reading short stories again. i find them engaging precisely because they are brief. but i have realized that their brevity poses a difficulty. i can't sometimes help but feel that there's something amiss. (and sometimes, i just don't get the story, hehe). i'm working on understanding such stories better, in that way, i don't feel like shortchanged.

1st of the month

2010-02-01T12:04:00.006+08:00

back in college, my greatest book finds almost always happened on the first day of the month or the first week (but that might be because i get my allowance at such times of the month). so yesterday, i went on another book-hunting expedition and i ended up at Book Sale and found the following:

i better get back to my reading, so i can ease the load on my cramped shelf. (at times like this, i'm thankful i'm still a bum, hehe.)

to ward off anxiety, depression, bad vibes

2010-01-29T21:56:00.003+08:00

i bought these at Book Sale and Books for Less

i have no idea how good these books are. i merely relied on the summary at the back and jacket flaps. but i'd have no regrets, each of these are at ten/twenty pesos only. great bargains, and finds if they turn out to be good reads.

juggling books

2010-01-27T08:20:00.002+08:00

since i have time on my hands, with very little things to preoccupy my mind, i decided to juggle books. i have one i read when i'm on the bathroom doing my thing, when i'm out of the house and travelling, when i'm in a serious mode and another, to fill in times i've allotted for something else but which were either postponed or cancelled.

these days though, i have come to love this book by Sylvia Brownrigg, "The Metaphysical Touch." i have been lugging this one in my bag for a week now, so i'd get a chance to read it even when i'm out of the house. i'll be out later in the afternoon, i'm sure i'll have a blast with the book again on my way out. for now, i have to pick up the book for when i'm doing my thing in the bathroom.

for the bookworms who have come to accept ebooks

2010-01-21T19:25:00.003+08:00

these are links which allows one to download and share files of all sorts:

4shared

esnips

whoever thought of virtual books must not have only been a bookworm but a staunch environmentalist as well. for that, i am grateful for sites which allow file sharing without being confronted with piracy issues. these prove to be great diversions and a welcome break from all those legal jargon.

tingling sensation

2010-01-21T16:17:00.002+08:00

i have felt more or less okay for the past 3 months or so. i know i have to wait awhile still, and although patience is not my virtue, waiting is one thing i've become good at. but even so, this cannot eradicate the tingling sensation at the back of my spine. i still have qualms, to this day, as to how i'd fare in the bar exams. i have just pushed it far back from my mind and intended for it to stay that way until the results are out.

but i couldn't help it. i guess i never will shed this insecurity of mine. having been expected to shine in the academics, i opted for a different kind of achievement. in my elementary years, i'd rather be not bothered by the grades the teachers gave. in high school, i remained pretty much the same way. until college came, and it hit me, how early i've come to realize that grades are at most arbitrary and will never be an accurate measure of how much one knows. i mean, information, especially at this day and age is readily available at the click of an enter button after keying in word/s and phrases in Google's search engine. to me, at least, colllege was such a liberating experience. the need to be pedantic in elementary and high school left me wanting to prolong my college life. haha, MRR then was still at 8 years (16 semesters).

i wonder though, would i be better off if i could just have given my teachers what they wanted instead of letting them on what's brewing in my mind? would high grades necessarily translate to confidence? i can only wonder.

but as cold comfort, i knew in my heart and in the assessment i made following the exams, that i did give it my all. knowing it's out of my hands, i better hold these qualms in check and keep the faith. even if i have to remind myself of this everyday, if it will keep me sane, then i will.

boredom

2010-01-16T16:48:00.004+08:00

is fast catching up on me. even the books totally unrelated to the study of law fail to hold my attention (but that may also be because i have the attention span of a goldfish). juggling between books, TV and movies, i still find myself with time on my hands and nothing to do.

what i'd really like to do is ride the bike (but in a place like here, where can i possibly go?). i'd also love to go running (again, i don't have a place in mind where i can possibly do that). i'd love to try my hand at baking, but i fear that i'd be wasting all those precious bensdorp :) (maybe i should consult Nanay and her books, eh?). it wouldn't hurt if there is a day job to preoccupy me too. i just haven't decided yet whether it would be a good idea to get a headstart at a law firm while being an underbar or should i take a job totally unrelated to the study of law in the meantime? it doesn't help that there's no lawyer yet in the family, tch. i really need some advice, as in.

in the meantime, i'm so grateful Ayesha is here, amusing and entertaining as can be. with her, there surely is no dull moment.

here comes 2010

2010-01-01T12:41:00.002+08:00

and i say bring it on!

2009 has been a good year and i can only look forward to 2010.

if 2009 was all about studying for the bar, 2010 will be about keeping the faith in the studying that i did.

i will always be grateful for the show of support from family, friends and of course, my special ops :)
may you all continue to pray with me for the results.

the long haul

2009-12-29T16:31:00.001+08:00

and i am wondering how to pass my time.. March seems like a long crawl away. I need to work, take my mind off the impending 2009 bar exams results and focus more on how to live life and be the best that i can be whatever the situation may be..

Work, work, work like a dog
keep my mind off the "fog"

See, see, see the future
that I am gonna be a lawyer

Claim, claim, claim 2010
as the year i become part of the legal profession..

this I ask from you Lord, Amen.

things to be grateful for

2009-04-03T18:37:00.000+08:00

1. the necessary reminder by Father Alejo during the retreat that there are a lot of things we ought to be thankful for.. the air, the sun, our body, the earth, and things and even persons that/who we usually take for granted just because they are ordinary, they are always there;

2. the results of the deliberations are out and some may not have made it, but things happen for a reason and discovering that reason is something to be grateful about. but most of the batch made it;

3. the results of 200s bar exams are out and a lot of UP baguio alumni's are now entitled to prefix their names with Atty. - congratulations syempre kay Sharry Salazar, Justin Mendoza, Benjamin Luis, Majelyn Oropilla, Jewelle Agudo, Bernadette Cornel (di ko na kilala ang iba, hehe);
P.S. tsari, ung promise mo na ipapamana mo sakin mga materials mo kasi abogado ka na e :) hehe. kidding aside, i'm so happy for you!!! mwah. i'll see you soon.

4. i may be delaying my review schedule because of an unexpected visit from my niece but the time is worth bonding with her because i know, one day when she's older and i'd tell her about the time before she turned a year old, she would most probably laugh her heart out :)

5. that the pressure is mounting and yet there is still a respite from it since there is always a time for everything. and now, i think it's my bedtime, since i'm not allowing myself to get to bed after midnight these days in view of my own bar exams this september.

so thank God for all the blessings and the pressures and trials as well :)

God bless us all and good night! :)

things to be grateful for

2009-04-03T18:36:00.000+08:00

Mario Puzo's "The Godfather"

2009-03-19T10:44:00.000+08:00

and i've finished it in less than a week with exams in between. it's a difficult book to put down, admittedly because it's action-packed and i couldn't help but be curious as to all the hype this book received back in the day.

i could say i was satisfied at Mario Puzo's storytelling but the book whetted my appetite for books and i'm left wanting for more. erm, which couldn't and shouldn't be since i've promised myself, no more than pages of leisure reading everyday since we still have two more exams to go (wohoo!!).

one of the lines in the book struck me as amusing because of its accuracy (and it has something to do with the legal profession) - "A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns." knowing the context in which this line was said (i.e., the Godfather speaking as a mafioso), i don't take offense. after all, the Godfather in the book gained his infamy through ruling the underworld by fronting it with legitimate business (olive oil importation) which he did with the assistance of lawyers.

the book presented the notion that "reason" is the best tool in dealing with the enemy, but it is not pure reason per se. it must be coupled with enough subtleties as would make an enemy willingly walk into the trap. but when reason doesn't work, there are other ways - such as executions so as to purge the ties of bad blood. it makes one shudder in awe on the hand and in terror on the other.

all told, i was immensely entertained :) until the next leisure reading time.

in transitu

2009-03-09T16:58:00.000+08:00

this week marks the onset of finals week (even if we don't really have a finals week, but an exam scheduled days apart from one another to enable us to prepare well for the next exam and rest in between exams). this means that we have no more classes (save for this one subject). for the first time in the whole 20 years i've spent in school, i am terrified at the thought of being on the brink of graduation.

in this career path, the trip is quite long with several qualifying stopping places. in a matter of days, we'll be taking exams for the different subjects (to date, there are 5 more exams to take). in order to graduate, we have to pass all the subjects.

it will be a matter of weeks before we will finally know who will graduate and continue on the way to the bar exams and who won't.

come graduation day, it will be a matter of months before the bar exams. in between the end of the fourth sunday and the coming out of the results, there are give or take six months within which to unwind, to brood, to plan, to work - in short, time in one's hands enough to drive one mad (God forbid). :)

when the results are finally out, we will know who'd be entitled to prefix his/her name with the title "Atty." Although there is still the oath-taking, this is just to formalize one's admission to the bar, but failure to take the oath also has its consequences.

transitions are tough.. and i can only pray to God that everyone in the batch will not succumb to the pressures from within and without.

May the force be with us!!

a good compromise

2009-03-03T18:14:00.000+08:00

the deepest and sweetest corruption

2009-02-18T04:59:00.000+08:00

"In all those years, he was the beneficiary of the infinite generosity of women, but he was its victim too, because their forgiveness made possible the deepest and sweetest corruption of all, namely the idea that he was doing nothing wrong."

- Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses

i am well into the first 50 pages of the book (ebook) and i'm hooked. i've been lusting after this particular work of Rushdie's primarily because i liked his "The Midnight's Children" and of course, because "The Satanic Verses" was so controversial back in the Arab Nation where it was banned (i don't know if it's still banned up to now).

and i have promised myself to read only a maximum of five pages per day. i hope i can have enough self-restraint :)

Sir Toto Colongon's "Ga-graduate Din Ako"

2009-02-02T17:27:00.000+08:00

is going to be my theme song again. this was one of the original compositions of a dear professor. he sung this when he, together with Gary Granada staged a concert for the graduating class of UP baguio 2004.

GA-GRADUATE DIN AKO (1989) Tuwing ako’y naghihintay upang mag-exam
Tila may naglalarong daga sa loob ng tiyan
Kay daming bagay pa akong di nalalaman kaya…
Sana’y huwag nang dumating si ma’am.
Nguni’t tulad ng dati ako’y bagsak na naman
Mabuti pa si San Miguel ako’y tinutulungan
Kay daming beses na akong nagkakaganyan kaya…
Huwag nyo na akong se-sermonan. Refrain
Hindi naman sa ako ay nagdadahilan
Ngunit hindi lang yan ang laman ng isipan
Kaya’t huwag magtaka kung ako’y pasang awa lang
Ga-graduate din ako antay lang….
huuuuuu… Sangkatutak ang problemang dapat pag-isipan
Kahit na matapos ang isa’y meron na naman
Pag ang problema’y lumala biglang LOA ka kaya…
Kung ma-MRR huwag magtaka. (uilitin ang refrain maliban sa huling linya)

http://sayoterepublic.net/?p=164

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5rVNfmO0Ac&eurl=http://sayoterepublic.net/?p=164

after i got my grades for the first semester earlier today, i felt like humming this song. i can only THANK GOD for hearing my prayers!!! the best jud ka Lord!! :)

all i can say is, GO 4TH YEAR-MANRESA, 2008-2009. graduate all lagi ni maski wala na-champion sa conflicts :)

Tom Wolfe's A MAN IN FULL

2009-01-28T05:55:00.000+08:00

this book has been in my bathroom bookshelf for a year. i'm down to the last 200 pages of its 787 pages.

i just am struck at one of the character's thought on the matter of speaking before the public - [S]he had memorized what [s]he was going to say, but suppose [s]he became an ignominious casualty of nerves? - this is what i don't want to happen to come friday this week, which is the elimination rounds for the moot court competition.

but i'm so interested to find out who among the characters in the book would be the MAN IN FULL. i only have four in mind: the sixty-minute man, a real estate developer who's drowning in indebtedness; the lawyer, Roger too White; Conrad turned escaped convict Hensley and Ray Peepgas wo just unleashed the red dog inside him.

i will have to wait until i get to the last page though. but therein lies the thrill :)

time to heed Incubus' WARNING and SUGGESTION

2009-01-25T14:15:00.000+08:00

Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah

Over and over and over and over...........

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.

I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves,
Before its made illegal
When will we learn, When will we change
Just in time to see it all come down

Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on ways it should have been

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
Soon the water starting to boil,
Now I flinched and we all float face down

i will always be a fan of Brandon's writing :) sayang, wala pa ako nung compilation nya ng poems (Fluffy white clouds o white fluffy clouds at).. nagpaparining ako kay Xai :)

partly relieved

2009-01-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

having finished with the pleadings for the mooting (if no further changes will be made), i feel partial elation for such a feat. partial because D and i will still have to prepare our speeches for the oral argumentation. but that can wait until tue, after the exams.

for now, i want to revel in the team's accomplishment. and for later, i'll be burning the midnight/dawn oil.

WELL DONE FOURTH YEAR!!

conflicts (intramurals, law school version)

2009-01-11T09:20:00.000+08:00

conflicts 2008 as CHAMPIONS

YELLOW TEAM is champion for two years in a row. this may be the reason why the other year levels are intent on making amendments to rules which have been used from the beginning of this event called Conflicts, just so they could tilt the game to their "advantage (if they could really see that, haha)." they might try, just because the number of voters in the student council are in their favor, but what they can never duplicate from our team is the fact that, WE JUST HAVE FUN (after all, Conflicts is there to entertain us, make us forget about the things that we have to do, are doing and have done for law school).

a word of caution: they just shouldn't push the fourth year's buttons, lest they want hell to just break loose. we are not expected to do well in Conflicts since we have acads to think about and graduation to pray hard for, but they shouldn't expect that we'd be giving less. sabi nga ni Jazzie, what we have is sheer talent, determination and the ability to have a good time!!

see you in Conflicts everyone!!!

the four agreements - don miguel ruiz's code for life

2009-01-09T10:57:00.000+08:00

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

this was the greatest i got for Christmas from Tatay.. i have been wanting this book for years but couldn't afford it. :) wala kasi to sa book sale. this was definitely worth taking the time off from reading about negotiable instruments :) i just hope i could live by the four agreements.. hard but not at all impossible.

i just..

2009-01-06T16:21:00.000+08:00

landed at DIA after being delayed for 30 min..
skipped classes so i could tidy up my once spic and span apartment..
updated myself about the life that i'm coming back to..
asked myself how one could miss a person whom he/she has just been with..
successfully convinced myself that the silence brought by my empty apartment would be instrumental in helping me study and not think about things i shouldn't be wasting energy on..

posted this entry so i could finally settle down for the night and review for the saturday exams..

a blessed new year to everyone

2008-12-31T17:31:00.000+08:00

there is certainly an iota of truth to the notion that, to be "lucky" is not sheer luck, but hard work also has a role to play. a lot of apprehensions surfaced for us born in the year of the rat since under the chinese calendar and all the beliefs that are attached to the chinese calendar system, the year 2009, which is the OX' year is going to be an UNLUCKY year for those born under my year.

but, whether we will be lucky or unlucky is entirely up to us. hence, i CHOOSE to be lucky and consequently, i CHOOSE to work hard in order to be lucky.

i will make 2009 (the year of the OX) my year. according to my best friend Sharry, "it's your bar year... time to shine..." since we're best friends, i share her conviction. with my family's unconditional and 101% support, my man's love and faith in me, my friends' confidence (for me) and my Lord's blessing, i know, I WILL BE A LAWYER and my classmates as well.

for the coming year, i wish everyone the same luck and lot that i have chosen.

WELCOME 2009 and GOOD RIDDANCE to all the "BAD THINGS" that occurred in 2008!!!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

and may we all be reminded of how much sacrifice Jesus Christ made to redeem all of us, worthy or otherwise..

Happy Birthday po.

i used to love Criminal law, until Atty. A became my teacher in review

2008-12-18T13:35:00.000+08:00

thus, i am in a daze, i just received a text from a classmate that results/grades will be released tonight. whoo... i just hope crim law grades would turn out to be an early christmas gift :)

but i did learn a lot from Atty. A. one thing which struck me does not relate to academics but the legal profession per se. he said, lawyering is such a "sad" (i forgot the adjective he used) profession because you have to wait for someone to be hurt, raped, killed, slapped, humiliated before you can actually earn a living. this is so true.

makes me rethink of my career choice. hehe. i have to give credit to my father for persuading me and even sweet talking me into taking up law. i don't how he does it, but when he talks, he manages to make you feel empowered by the choice he wants you to make. dangerous eh? :)

anyhow, i better get dressed since i know i won't sleep a wink without knowing how i fared in Criminal Law.

our house turned menagerie

2008-12-15T18:23:00.000+08:00

and they say there were too many of us in the family.. until, almost everybody left the house, except kuya ep. and these are what he has for company during the times when tatay is not around.

(di ko nasama si piolo, ang unggoy na kapatid ni yo, hehe)

words of wisdom

2008-12-05T12:58:00.000+08:00

"law school is a jealous MISTRESS (for the men, that is) and it is a jealous BOYLET (for the women)"

i just hope your wisdom would rub off on us come the 8th and the 13th/14th of December (pamatay!!!). tsaka, advanced Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas Atty. S.:)

pain and hurting

2008-11-30T12:01:00.000+08:00

i don't fear pain and hurting, because even as a kid, i have a pretty high level of tolerance for pain. instead of crying out loud, i'd prefer howling in silence.

what i fear about pain is that, when it becomes unrelenting, i fear i'd turned frigid, cold, numb and apathetic. i fear that i'd be so immune from pain and i'd end up not feeling any thing at all.

that to me is scary, because it is far from impossible.

a good way to unwind and welcome second sem (finally) and say goodbye to

2008-11-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

i'm giving these away to a very good friend who's like a little sister to me since she asked for it and i can't really say no because she did not refuse me when i asked for her HP7, so there. i know you'd take good care of them. mwah, love you Xalai.

so now, since i want to forget about that horrible exam in Crim law review (imagine naming the title of the case for an exam), i've decided to read A Wrinkle in Time, so that i wouldn't miss it that much (ano daw?). i plan to read all three before i finally bid them goodbye and them over to Xai. i've finished A Wrinkle in Time and i am restraining myself from picking up the second book, A Wind in the Door. i got frightened by a friend's news. word has it that Justice Nachura (who will be chair for the bar exams next year) made this statement, viz.: "Pagagapangin natin ang mga examinees." so there, i'm reading up on things i've missed last sem and things i'm supposed not to miss this sem.

i hope to take a blog leave, not only here but also in blogger, if not totally delete my accounts. what do you think?

on prostitution

2008-10-27T17:18:00.000+08:00

Juan Bonilla's "The Nubian Prince" and Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes" were my companion over the weekend. i found it extremely coincidental that i picked out two books which dealt with the subject of prostitution.

the focal point in Juan Bonilla's book is the character who happened to be a scout for prospects in the club. he promises his prospects of a life far greater and grander than the poverty and muck that they are in. to convince himself of the nobility of his job, he would tell himself that he is actually saving their lives. but in the end, he was able to quit. probably because the guilt was eating him up.

an unforgettable quote from that book goes: "Experience, as we know, is deceptive: one judges the world through the prism of what has happened to oneself and considers this a just and legitimate approach, when in fact it is quite obviously the perfect tactic for never learning anything about anything."

in Paulo Coelho's book, i was intrigued the moment it was released to the public because it was something totally unexpected. after all, what could he know about the topic? he writes heartwarming and inspiring stories, not tales of banality. but i was surprised at the how the story unraveled but i was quite disappointed that there was the happy ending for the girl (mala fairy tale kasi). but in any case, it was immensely engrossing.

i happened to like what Maria (the main character) wrote in her diary, viz.: "The little experience of life I've had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion - and that applies to material as well as spiritual things. Anyone who has lost something they was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them."

the main difference between the authors' approach had been, in Juan Bonilla's, those who have been caught in the sex trade seemed to end up wretched while Paulo Coelho's Maria ended up intelligent, with a "light" which marks her as a strong and independent woman. nut in the two novels, both the main characters felt the same thing about how their lives have unfolded, i.e. loneliness.

happy 58th

2008-10-23T04:28:00.000+08:00

today is my nanay's birthday.

Though she's a plane ride away,we'll be celebrating her birthday here, in the house where we live since birth.

My only wish for her is that she may enjoy and fully live the remaining years in her life. Forget about the heartaches. Celebrate life and your kids and the grandkids. Always remain happy and brave. The world has so much to offer still.

I love you Nay. happy birthday :)

I'll see you in a month (hehe, suntok to sa buwan) hehe, in two months time.

"The Nubian Prince" by Juan Bonilla

2008-10-19T21:06:00.002+08:00

just a funny thought:

"In a marriage, sex ends up being a legal form of incest... You start realizing that going to bed with your husband is like going to bed with your brother."

this has been a friend's sentiments for a decade-old relationship.

they are together most times, i guess, which i can hardly say is true in my case.

the book though promises to be such a good read and i am having a hard time resisting it. never mind, just this one and i promise i'll return to the required reading :)

my greatest fear

2008-10-16T18:52:00.000+08:00

is succinctly expressed by Shari Goldhagen's "Family and Other Accidents" and this has something to do with INFIDELITY.

"This [INFIDELITY] always happens; you just thought you were special and it wouldn't happen to you."

i was left heartbroken by the book because the two brothers who are the lead characters in the book happened to be married with family and then had illicit affairs and then got back with their original wives. the older brother could only describe family as something "fluid" - his line goes "Everything is just so fucking fluid, you know?"

i am praying hard that when something like this happens to me, that i would know what to do and not just meltdown like butter in a hot pan.

anyhow, just struck by how the author captured my fear in a sentence.

"Family and Other Accidents" by Shari Goldhagen

2008-10-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

even if i was tired from sunday's washing the clothes and cleaning the house, and i have an exam on the 14th, i still managed to finish this 259-paged book. i had to do it if i still want to keep my wits about me. (kaya pala madami ang nawiwindang days before the bar exams, kung review pa lang ganito na katindi ang pressure, panu na sa pre-week?). anyhow, i enjoyed the experience of finishing a book in one sitting. i haven't done that in a long time. hay, if i could trade my law books for books of leisure, i would likely and gladly do so.

but back to reality, i need to review now. i guess i just wanted to jot this down lest i forget that in almost four years, it is only now that i have managed to finish a book in one sitting :)

latest L.S.S.

2008-10-12T07:46:00.000+08:00

this has been my lullaby since i got back from Manila. there's something about the song that soothes and calms me.
therapeutic and yet it rocks. when i listen to this, i find myself nodding my head (if not banging) in tune with the melody :)

Jason Mraz' "I'm Yours"

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it 
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted 
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back 
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test 
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention 
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some 

But I won't hesitate no more, 
no more, it cannot wait 
I'm yours 

Well open up your mind and see like me 
open up your plans and damn you're free 
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love 
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved 

So, i won't hesitate no more, 
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure 
there's no need to complicate our time is short 
this is our fate
I'm yours 

Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror 
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer 
But my breath fogged up the glass 
and so I drew a new face and I laughed (so true)
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason 
to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons 
it's what we aim to do 
our name is our virtue 

But I won't hesitate no more, 
no more it cannot wait
I'm yours 

Well open up your mind and see like me 
open up your plans and damn you're free 
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours 

so please don't, please don't, please don't, 
there's no need to complicate, 
Cause our time is short 
This, this, this is our fate, 
I'm yours

tell-tale signs of how much fun i had last weekend

2008-09-05T07:45:00.000+08:00

i momentarily forgot about studying and i was so caught up in the vacation mode that up to now, i still am not picking up the pace in law school. hay..

a year more to go and it would be our turn to face the day of reckoning.

according to Marsy, we still have the New York bar to prepare for after the Philippine bar so i guess i'd be in study mode until God knows when :) but i'd like to think that in between, i will be having the time of my life. wohoo!!!

i am so excited to get up on that platform again before being mounted in a harness and flying high up in the skies of Kapatagan, 25 km north of Digos City. until then, my nose would be buried in the depths of my books.

see you soon Tamia :)

at Shrine Hills in Matina

at Eden Nature Park

Eden Nature Park still, where Game KNB was shot when Kris Aquino came to Davao

at Camp Sabros

the pool table at Camp Sabros

the initial point for that zip and cable line ride..

thank you Ate Belle for the pix, hehe. :)

raindrops keep falling on my head

2008-09-05T07:18:00.000+08:00

i don't know if my high spirits are diminished just because of the gloomy weather or just because i have my period.

all i'm certain of is that, i feel low and at the moment, i don't know what it would take to boost my spirits up. hay..

on to a toxic week ahead, i cannot wait to get started or rather, to finish up reviewing for the exam in succession. most of the family will fly in next week from manila and i would be obliged to take a leave for a day or two from school to go home and join in the family's gathering.

hopefully and i pray to God that the harvest next week will be good. i also pray for everyone's good health and success in our individual endeavors as well as that of the family's.

i thank the Lord for the blessings that have come our way and for always providing us with everything that we need.

_______________________________________________

since the day of reckoning is at hand for the 2008 barristers, i pray for my bestfriend's success and may the Lord's blessing and guidance be with her as she takes the exams all throughout the 4 sundays of september.

i will see you Sharitot come last sunday of the bar ok? we'll celebrate, no matter what. i miss you tons and i am so looking forward to the last sunday of the bar exams.

on Plays

2008-08-18T22:32:00.004+08:00

i have never been a fan of plays but i have a newfound appreciation for the material on which the play is based. i can count with my hands the plays that i have read (there are only 4 of them and 1 is even a required reading for humanities 1 back in college).

last sunday, i was having an insomniac's night (or should i say wee hours of the morning) and i was seized by an urge to pass by time with a book (it's been ages since i have last held a book). considering that a novel would be too long, i picked out a play entitled "A Raisin in the Sun." (by the way, i have learned that 3 or 4 years back, P. Diddy took part in this play when it was staged in L.A., but i bought this book way before that :)

the line from whence the title is based is especially striking. it goes:

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore -
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over
Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

- Montage of a Dream by Langston Hughes

what i like about plays is that, the lines are pithy and catchy. more than that, it is so possible to finish it in one sitting :)

hm..maybe i should also start scouring for them when i am in a book surplus shop :)

hay..

2008-08-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

the MOA entered into by the GRP and MILF is/was supposed to bring "peace" in Mindanao. what these parties failed to consider was that, there was peace in Mindanao, relatively. granted there are bomb threats and there are some bombs which really went off, but that does not exactly mean that Mindanao is not at and in peace.

i wonder how they conceived the idea of a BJE at a most opportune time (i.e., 2 years before the present government's term expires). could it be politically-motivated interests, i could daresay, of course. how else will you concoct a MOA overnight and present it a band-aid solution to the Bangsamoro crisis which has existed for decades?

according to a professor, the MOA is the biggest piece of legal joke he has ever come upon. sadly, that MOA, even if it is a big legal joke, it is killing people here in Mindanao.

the proponents of this MOA deign to speak of "peace." how dare they?! i cannot imagine how they remain staunch advocates thereof and how they can still live with themselves seeing and knowing that people have died and are dying here all because of that MOA. but how can they not, they are not at the forefront of it all? (buti na lang may mga sundalo pang handang sundin ang utos ng mga nakataas sa kanila even at their expense. nakakaawa ang mga sundalo, they are made puppets of a heartless government. true, they are fed by the government, but that is not a license for a government to use these soldiers like pawns in a chessboard).

more importantly, the declaration of the O.P. that it intends to pursue chacha is a clear indication of why the MOA came about.

hay.. if PGMA could only be content. her allies are saying she has no intention of staying in power once the Constitution is changed. but that is just INCREDIBLE. didn't she say back in last presidential elections that she will not run? and she did the exact opposite of what she said. she ran and won, (i don't know how she won) and is now hoping to again perpetuate her stay in the palace.

sayang. matalino sana sya, just like Marcos but her greed will have its comeuppance. i just hope and pray that the Filipinos are not too hungry nor too tired to take to oust a president who, in the first place is of questionable legitimacy.

in commemoration of Ninoy's death, i just hope that that death will again serve as a wick for overthrowing another despotic megalomaniac. (talk about history repeating itself)

archers' talk

2008-08-13T07:36:00.000+08:00

last friday, my brother happened to come by and sleep over. since i just finished got out of school, i had yet to have dinner. we headed to McDo (because i was already starving and couldn't endure the wait entailed in dining in restaurants serving "real" food). we talked about the glasses sold by McDo and wonder at how amazing that those who are behind the whole thing included archery. we then talked about the prospect of training would-be archers here in davao. however, we were confronted with several obstacles. first, the cost of equipment. it is a sad truth that the equipments are expensive, exorbitant even, with prices ranging from PhP25,000-PhP100,000++, depending on the brand - this is just for the bow. the arrows are a thousand pesos a piece (but these are the prices back when i was still in college). more than the prices of these things, there is even the bigger problem of where to secure some gears such as the bowstring. these strings are hand-made and meticulously done with particluar attention to the nocking point detail.

hay..so even when we wanted to, it just seems kind of improbable at the moment. we contented ourselves with memories of archery training in college. we laso talked about celebrities who are archers, such as marvin agustin (who has his own range at home - nakakainggit) and charmaine arnaiz. we also talked about how one of the archers from the Philippine team (jasmine figueroa) figured in the last olympics (she didi not win any medals but in one of the ceding matches, she won against the number one female archer back then, natalia valeeva). we are most hopeful that our sisters (hehe), would remember us and our archery skills when they get to visit uncle sam sometime soon or in the future.

all told, it was a good conversation borne out of love for the game.

righteous indignation

2008-07-29T11:19:00.000+08:00

for all that PGMA has to say yesterday, this line probably drove me into this righteous indignation, "FOR FOOTING THE BILL, I THANK THE TAXPAYERS."

i can only wonder at what else the taxpayers and the entire citizenry are footing. tch.

anyhow, the SONA turned out to be another so-called red carpet event for which i could only scream that Art. 25 of the Civil Code be enforced. the said Article provides that, "Thoughtless extravagance in expenses for pleasure or display during a period of acute public want or emergency may be stopped by order of the courts at the insatance of any government or private charitable institutions." hay.. why will the government stop itself and the private charitable institutions have so much in their hands already.

"Lonely Day" by Phantom Planet

I could tell from the minute I woke up
It was going to be a lonely lonely
Lonely lonely day.

Rise and shine rub the sleep out of my eyes
And try to tell myself I can’t
Go back to bed

It’s gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Even though the sun is shining down on me and I should feel about as happy as can be
I just got here and I already want to leave
It’s gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day

Everybody knows that something’s wrong
But nobody knows what’s going on
We all sing the same old song
When you want it all to go away
It’s shaping up to be a lonely day

I could tell from the minute I woke up it was going to be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.

a preposterous idea

2008-07-24T07:43:00.000+08:00

from an equally quirky individual..

a classmate expressed an opinion regarding marriage and how the time is NOW, when we are reviewing the bar subjects, that one should marry.

WHY?
by marrying now, my classmate would be free from the hassle of worrying about domesticities, such as cooking, doing the dishes, washing clothes, etc.

i retorted, "maybe what you need is a househelp and not a spouse."

the answer to that, stated quite simply was that, while a househelp can easily walk out of the arrangement, a spouse cannot as he/she is bound by the vows he/she made.

to this, i could only shake my head not in amazement but in amusement.

maybe my classmate hasn't as yet realized the obligations that come with marriage as my classmate even assumed that the would-be-spouse would consent to being a spouse-cum-househelp from the moment they marry until after the bar exams.

oh well, whatever floats your boat, as they, is enough to make you do one thing.

but i cannot, for the life of me marry just for the sake of convenience.

my first year as a blogger

2008-07-20T09:54:00.002+08:00

i remember having created this account because i was then curious as to how it was like to blog and write one's thoughts for all the world to see.

i didn't realize, blogging has become more than just that. my curiosity is satisfied. i have come to think of blogging as a great way to meet people, some i have lost touch and some i see on a daily basis. it's nice to know that one can have a "home" in this online world and that one is free to do anything with it (save some prohibitions on UNprotected expression) and one can welcome anyone and everyone all at the same time.

the downside is that, it can get addicting, hehe.

so for my first year, i am reminded of this first post because that was how puerile i was then.

"intelligence is also conceit"

2008-07-15T09:04:00.000+08:00

this was what my former boss used to tell me. and i have always kept that in mind in my dealings with people from all walks of life.

a similar idea was pronounced by the Supreme Court in a contempt case against a lawyer. the Supreme Court said:

"We concede that a lawyer may think highly of his intellectual endowment. That is his privilege. And, he may suffer frustration at what he feels is others' lack of it. That is his misfortune."

i hate people who are know-it-alls. i don't hate their conceit. i just hate their temerity to justify their "hurtful" actions by saying that it is the most logical and most natural thing to do. one day, i would love for them to get a dose of their own medicine.

sniper in the making

2008-07-10T10:07:00.000+08:00

last wednesday, my cousin who's also so so into guns invited us to come join him on the shooting range. addicts that we are, my brother, father and myself went to the range.

we were expecting to shoot a handgun (because we brought with us our shiny new black matte para ordnance p13.45). to our astonishment, my cousin brought out a huge case (it would fit a keyboard, i think) and when he opened it, i could only gush at what i saw.

i never had any experience in firing rifles, even when we have an armalite. me fear is that, i would end up with a dislocated shoulder because of the recoil impact of such guns. but i could not help but try this 308 caliber rifle (CZ 700) and imagine myself as Angelina Jolie in that make-believe movie Wanted (make believe because the trajectory of thew bullets that they fire is simply impossible, not even magic would support it).

anyhow, i took a shot at the opportunity and fired 3 bullets. the feeling was exhilarating and i didn't even feel the high-poweredness of the rifle nor the great impact of the rifle's recoil on my shoulder. i felt so giddy when at 50 meters, i was able to hit the target :) and this led to a discussion of how great the gun is, which got my father thinking about buying one for himself (the price of the gun is equivalent to that of a one hectare ricefield, plus its scope which is being sold at US$ 1,700-4,000). and i told my father to quit his wishful thinking because, even if we had the money to buy one, where will he fire it? where can he have a range with at least 50 to 500 meter distance? ayyy...

oh well, when our excitement died down, it was then that i felt the whole right part of my body ache. i even have a welt on my shoulder. i can only say, this is a hobby which i cannot, as yet pursue, lest i want my right arm (the one i use for writing) useless for the bar.

for now, i'm content with the pistol. i just hope my schedule would clear up a bit so i could join the shootfest on the second saturday of August.

an article re: UP

2008-07-02T10:49:00.001+08:00

VOYAGE
The Manila Standard Today

There are no children here.

This week, I went to a meeting at the UP School of Economics and I
came away with renewed belief in the value of the UP experience.
If you speak to anyone from UP - student, professor, alumnus - you
will get no Latin slogans or apologies about how the school teaches
values in spite of its outward materialism. This is not a student
population that thinks about basketball games or memorizes school
songs. This is not a school that chooses one statement to drill into
the minds of its students.

This is not, of course, to say that UP does not care about values.
It is that UP, in its own inimitable way, believes that values cannot
be force-fed. The statue of the naked man that guards the entrance to
the campus in Diliman best represents UP's approach to all education
and the respect for students that is the center of its educational
philosophy. All who come to this university, regardless of origin,
bring themselves naked, carrying nothing but their thirst; like the
proverbial empty teacup, making an offering of self, waiting to be
filled.

Adults

For many students from private schools, the first lesson that is
learned here is that this is a school for adult education. There are
no children here, and that is why no parents are allowed either at
freshman orientation or during enlistment.

The spirit of the oblation lies not in a mother or a father offering
up his child to the world, it is that of the newly adult, freely
offering of his self.

I remember quite vividly that moment that drove home how different
the UP education continues to be. It was my daughter's first
semester in university and she had invited a group of her high school
friends to our house. One of them asked a classmate whether she had
gotten her parents permission form approved for that weekend's
outreach activity. From the UP population around the table came the
mock horrified responses of: "Permission? " and "Outreach?"

I thought about it and realized that all of these students were, in
fact, legally adults. I thought it interesting that only the UP
students appeared to appreciate this fact.

Even more interesting was the "outreach" comment. I think back to my
own university years and the last three years that my daughter has
been in UP and am certain there is no lack of civic activity. There
are medical missions, house building projects, tree planting,
community work and barrio work and so on. I realize now that the
reaction was not to the activity as much as it was to the use of the
word.

One of the most important differences of the UP campus from all the
other campuses my children considered going to is that this campus
has no walls. Many parents fear this. They are afraid their
precious children will not be protected from the ills of society in a
campus that is so open to the rest of the world.

But UP is open to the world in more ways than just not having the
physical walls.

Community

Being in UP means much more than being a student. This campus is
enmeshed in a community. This community is made up not only of the
transient population of students who go home each night. It includes
the many, many students who lay their heads on dorm pillows each
night, enduring time away from families in the firm belief that this
campus will bring them closer to their dreams. This community
includes the families of faculty and employees who live on campus.
It also includes the many people who work not for the University, but
nevertheless work on campus. This community includes the lady who
remembers the brand of cigarette you smoke and automatically hands it
to you in the morning. It includes the gentleman who remembers you
like pepper on your egg sandwich or the one who knows you will dip
your fish balls into two of his sauces, who patiently waits for you
to eat your three sticks before being paid. It includes the woman
who saw all her children through college by selling peanuts every day
on campus.

To a UP student, the daily heartbeat of the school is never far away from the realities of the country. The word outreach suggests that
civic activity is something outside of the normal, something you do
once in a while. It must be immensely difficult to think of community as a thing apart when your campus experience brings you face to face with all of the world's realities every day.

Character

All of this probably explains that unmistakable sense of self that
you will find from students who come from this campus.

Here is a campus where all have the same opportunities to learn. But, also, here is a campus that will give all the same opportunities to fail. There are no guidance counselors who will chase after you
because you have been skipping classes. The attitude this university
takes is that you must take the initiative - for learning, for
seeking help, for realizing you need help.
That is not to say that no help exists. But it is help that is not
forced upon you.

This is a university rich in both introspection and conversation. On
this campus, the student is constantly exposed to people - faculty, administrators, community members, other students - who care deeply and passionately about the world. The conversations are almost never
purely cerebral. A single graph can provoke comments about
government policy and its effects on people.

As a result, UP is home to a student population that looks at the world and cares. It is easy to see pictures of protesting students and dismiss it as radicalism. But there are few campuses in this country where students go beyond a passing curiosity about what is happening in the world beyond their own lives. There are even fewer universities where students not only care but also actually believe they have a responsibility to make a difference - not in some hazy future - today.

And that, I believe, is what truly forges character. Character is
not molded by speeches or long classes in ethics or theology.
Character grows from within. It begins by being handed the keys to
your own self and being told you are in charge; you now have power
over yourself and your own actions - and with that power, you take on
responsibilities.

Each student in this university goes through his own unique voyage of
discovery. On his voyage, as he decides what he cares about, what
he will fight for and what he will sacrifice, he crafts his own
personal values. That is what education is truly about.

First published 6 June 2008 in the Manila Standard Today.

Maligayang Sentenaryo sa mga taga UP.

Fra Lippo Lippi's Beauty and Madness

2008-07-02T10:06:00.000+08:00

Over there, just beneath the moon,
There's a man with a burden to keep,
Now sleep will fall, washouts, rags and paperbags
Homes and lives passing by.

Who will see the beauty in your life
And who will be there to hear you when you call
Who will see the madness in your life.
And who will be there to catch you if you fall.

Dreams run wild, as lovers find their way through the right,
Not a care in the world
And over there, oh the twinkling of the lights, harbour lights
Say goodnight one more time

there is something about this song which almost always leaves me with a lump in my throat and tears threatening to fall from my eyes. i don't know, something about the song's lines and melody is just so sad, and it leaves me that way too.

anyhow, in case you're wondering, i'm not sad. not for myself, but for our beautiful Inang Bayan.

Corruption on Harapan

2008-06-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

just as i was about to call it a night, i switched on the TV monitor hoping to catch the late night news. the news has just ended but ABS-CBN's "Harapan" was just about to air. the topic that was discussed revolved around the issue of corruption, what it is, how it is done, what is being done about it, and of course, the latest WGI (world governance index) released by the world bank which is alarming in its findings because the Philippines is now officially THE MOST CORRUPT of them all Asian countries.

i must admit, even when i knew that the arguments would be rehashed and only the details would vary, i was glued to the TV set. i was waiting for what Mr. Golez (as representative of the Malacanang) had to say.. and what he had to say really incensed the tibak in me. imagine, he had the temerity to say that the WGI is made up of several components and corruption is only one of them and not the entirety of the WGI. moreover, he even bragged about the unprecedented record of the GMA government in terms of foiling tax evaders, generating more revenue, yada yada yada.

at that point, i turned the TV off. i could not tolerate anything related to politics anymore because even back in college when political science was my chosen branch of social science to major in, i have already become apolitical..and yet, it is not ironic. not as ironic as our Inang Bayan having a rich history of toppling down corrupt leaders only to be NOW faced with the very same ills that were thwarted some 20 years ago.

i don't know if it's apathy, or Alzheimer's or simply the idea of robbing from the nation's coffers with impunity (Marcos was just exiled, Erap was pardoned and Gloria is still President).

the Pinoys who have died during the martial law era died a futile death and they must all be turning in their graves right now at the latest achievement of the Philippines, the NUMBER ONE AMONG THE MOST CORRUPT IN ASIA.

hail all you politicians!! in Korina's words, "wala na ata kayong mga kaluluwa.."

utterly frustrated

2008-06-25T08:46:00.000+08:00

a week ago, in Practice Court, my professor suddenly announced that come saturday this week, we will have a long exam. roughly translated, i had to cancel my weekend plans of attending my boyfriend's sister's wedding. i have cancelled on the flights that i booked and i even told my boyfriend about it and he in turn relayed the message to his sister.

just last saturday, my dear professor (i don't know if this is senility or Alzheimer's, hehe) announced that this saturday (28th), we won't have classes because he won't be here.

i could only cringe in utter frustration when he said that. i wanted to say, "Judge, unfair lagi ka." but i didn't because i know he will have a ready retort, something like "lazy" or "hardheaded" or worse "pataka lang ka."

hay Judge, sige na nga! i'll let this one pass.

so, i'll be counting months again before i see the ensign.

an ode to everybody who has been hurt and is hurting

2008-06-18T23:53:00.004+08:00

R.E.M.'s Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

recently, i have been hurt about certain things which are beyond my power to undo or change..

in those times, i have never felt more human.. but i pray that such times will occur less frequently than recently..

i know now that i am so moving on and i'm ready to take on the world because after all, everything in the world is mine to enjoy :)

Bono of U2 really rocks

2008-06-18T06:28:00.001+08:00

this is his commencement address at the University of Pennsylvania's College of Law which i chanced upon while browsing Ate Pambie's site.

My name is Bono and I am a rock star. Don't get me too excited because I use four letter words when I get excited. I'd just like to say to the parents, your children are safe, your country is safe, the FCC has taught me a lesson and the only four letter word I'm going to use today is P-E-N-N. Come to think of it 'Bono' is a four-letter word. The whole business of obscenity--I don't think there's anything certainly more unseemly than the sight of a rock star in academic robes. It's a bit like when people put their King Charles spaniels in little tartan sweats and hats. It's not natural, and it doesn't make the dog any smarter.

It's true we were here before with U2 and I would like to thank them for giving me a great life, as well as you. I've got a great rock and roll band that normally stand in the back when I'm talking to thousands of people in a football stadium and they were here with me, I think it was seven years ago. Actually then I was with some other sartorial problems. I was wearing a mirror-ball suit at the time and I emerged from a forty-foot high revolving lemon. It was sort of a cross between a space ship, a disco and a plastic fruit.

I guess it was at that point when your Trustees decided to give me their highest honor. Doctor of Laws, wow! I know it's an honor, and it really is an honor, but are you sure? Doctor of Law, all I can think about is the laws I've broken. Laws of nature, laws of physics, laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and on a memorable night in the late seventies, I think it was Newton's law of motion...sickness. No, it's true, my resume reads like a rap sheet. I have to come clean; I've broken a lot of laws, and the ones I haven't I've certainly thought about. I have sinned in thought, word, and deed. God forgive me. Actually God forgave me, but why would you? I'm here getting a doctorate, getting respectable, getting in the good graces of the powers that be, I hope it sends you students a powerful message: Crime does pay.

So I humbly accept the honor, keeping in mind the words of a British playwright, John Mortimer it was, "No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense and relatively clean fingernails." Well at best I've got one of the two of those.

But no, I never went to college, I've slept in some strange places, but the library wasn't one of them. I studied rock and roll and I grew up in Dublin in the '70s, music was an alarm bell for me, it woke me up to the world. I was 17 when I first saw The Clash, and it just sounded like revolution. The Clash were like, "This is a public service announcement--with guitars." I was the kid in the crowd who took it at face value. Later I learned that a lot of the rebels were in it for the T-shirt. They'd wear the boots but they wouldn't march. They'd smash bottles on their heads but they wouldn't go to something more painful like a town hall meeting. By the way I felt like that myself until recently.

I didn't expect change to come so slow, so agonizingly slow. I didn't realize that the biggest obstacle to political and social progress wasn't the Free Masons, or the Establishment, or the boot heel of whatever you consider 'the Man' to be, it was something much more subtle. As the Provost just referred to, a combination of our own indifference and the Kafkaesque labyrinth of 'no's you encounter as people vanish down the corridors of bureaucracy.

So for better or worse that was my education. I came away with a clear sense of the difference music could make in my own life, in other peoples' lives if I did my job right. Which if you're a singer in a rock band means avoiding the obvious pitfalls like, say, a mullet hairdo. If anyone here doesn't know what a mullet is by the way your education's certainly not complete, I'd ask for your money back. For a lead singer like me, a mullet is, I would suggest, arguably more dangerous than a drug problem. Yes, I had a mullet in the '80s.

Now this is the point where the members of the faculty start smiling uncomfortably and thinking maybe they should have offered me the honorary bachelors degree instead of the full blown doctorate, (he should have been the bachelor's one, he's talking about mullets and stuff). If they're asking what on earth I'm doing here, I think it's a fair question. What am I doing here? More to the point: what are you doing here? Because if you don't mind me saying so this is a strange ending to an Ivy League education. Four years in these historic halls thinking great thoughts and now you're sitting in a stadium better suited for football listening to an Irish rock star give a speech that is so far mostly about himself. What are you doing here?

Actually I saw something in the paper last week about Kermit the Frog giving a commencement address somewhere. One of the students was complaining, "I worked my ass off for four years to be addressed by a sock?" You have worked your ass off for this. For four years you've been buying, trading, and selling, everything you've got in this marketplace of ideas. The intellectual hustle. Your pockets are full, even if your parents' are empty, and now you've got to figure out what to spend it on.

Well, the going rate for change is not cheap. Big ideas are expensive. The University has had its share of big ideas. Benjamin Franklin had a few, so did Justice Brennen and in my opinion so does Judith Rodin. What a gorgeous girl. They all knew that if you're gonna be good at your word if you're gonna live up to your ideals and your education, its' gonna cost you.

So my question I suppose is: What's the big idea? What's your big idea? What are you willing to spend your moral capital, your intellectual capital, your cash, your sweat equity in pursuing outside of the walls of the University of Pennsylvania?

There's a truly great Irish poet his name is Brendan Kennelly, and he has this epic poem called the Book of Judas, and there's a line in that poem that never leaves my mind, it says: "If you want to serve the age, betray it." What does that mean to betray the age?

Well to me betraying the age means exposing its conceits, it's foibles; it's phony moral certitudes. It means telling the secrets of the age and facing harsher truths.

Every age has its massive moral blind spots. We might not see them, but our children will. Slavery was one of them and the people who best served that age were the ones who called it as it was--which was ungodly and inhuman. Ben Franklin called it what it was when he became president of the Pennsylvania Abolition Society.

Segregation. There was another one. America sees this now but it took a civil rights movement to betray their age. And 50 years ago the U.S. Supreme Court betrayed the age May 17, 1954, Brown vs. Board of Education came down and put the lie to the idea that separate can ever really be equal. Amen to that.

Fast forward 50 years. May 17, 2004. What are the ideas right now worth betraying? What are the lies we tell ourselves now? What are the blind spots of our age? What's worth spending your post-Penn lives trying to do or undo? It might be something simple.

It might be something as simple as our deep down refusal to believe that every human life has equal worth. Could that be it? Could that be it? Each of you will probably have your own answer, but for me that is it. And for me the proving ground has been Africa.

Africa makes a mockery of what we say, at least what I say, about equality and questions our pieties and our commitments because there's no way to look at what's happening over there and it's effect on all of us and conclude that we actually consider Africans as our equals before God. There is no chance.

An amazing event happened here in Philadelphia in 1985--Live Aid--that whole We Are The World phenomenon the concert that happened here. Well after that concert I went to Ethiopia with my wife, Ali. We were there for a month and an extraordinary thing happened to me. We used to wake up in the morning and the mist would be lifting we'd see thousands and thousands of people who'd been walking all night to our food station were we were working. One man--I was standing outside talking to the translator--had this beautiful boy and he was saying to me in Amharic, I think it was, I said I can't understand what he's saying, and this nurse who spoke English and Amharic said to me, he's saying will you take his son. He's saying please take his son, he would be a great son for you. I was looking puzzled and he said, "You must take my son because if you don't take my son, my son will surely die. If you take him he will go back to Ireland and get an education." Probably like the ones we're talking about today. I had to say no, that was the rules there and I walked away from that man, I've never really walked away from it. But I think about that boy and that man and that's when I started this journey that's brought me here into this stadium.

Because at that moment I became the worst scourge on God's green earth, a rock star with a cause. Christ! Except it isn't the cause. Seven thousand Africans dying every day of preventable, treatable disease like AIDS? That's not a cause, that's an emergency. And when the disease gets out of control because most of the population live on less than one dollar a day? That's not a cause, that's an emergency. And when resentment builds because of unfair trade rules and the burden of unfair debt, that are debts by the way that keep Africans poor? That's not a cause, that's an emergency. So--We Are The World, Live Aid, start me off it was an extraordinary thing and really that event was about charity. But 20 years on I'm not that interested in charity. I'm interested in justice. There's a difference. Africa needs justice as much as it needs charity.

Equality for Africa is a big idea. It's a big expensive idea. I see the Wharton graduates now getting out the math on the back of their programs, numbers are intimidating aren't they, but not to you! But the scale of the suffering and the scope of the commitment they often numb us into a kind of indifference. Wishing for the end to AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa is like wishing that gravity didn't make things so damn heavy. We can wish it, but what the hell can we do about it?

Well, more than we think. We can't fix every problem--corruption, natural calamities are part of the picture here--but the ones we can we must. The debt burden, as I say, unfair trade, as I say, sharing our knowledge, the intellectual copyright for lifesaving drugs in a crisis, we can do that. And because we can, we must. Because we can, we must. Amen.

This is the straight truth, the righteous truth. It's not a theory, it's a fact. The fact is that this generation--yours, my generation--that can look at the poverty, we're the first generation that can look at poverty and disease, look across the ocean to Africa and say with a straight face, we can be the first to end this sort of stupid extreme poverty, where in the world of plenty, a child can die for lack of food in it's belly. We can be the first generation. It might take a while, but we can be that generation that says no to stupid poverty. It's a fact, the economists confirm it. It's an expensive fact but, cheaper than say the Marshall Plan that saved Europe from communism and fascism. And cheaper I would argue than fighting wave after wave of terrorism's new recruits. That's the economics department over there, very good.

It's a fact. So why aren't we pumping our fists in the air and cheering about it? Well probably because when we admit we can do something about it, we've got to do something about it. For the first time in history we have the know how, we have the cash, we have the lifesaving drugs, but do we have the will?

Yesterday, here in Philadelphia, at the Liberty Bell, I met a lot of Americans who do have the will. From arch-religious conservatives to young secular radicals, I just felt an incredible overpowering sense that this was possible. We're calling it the ONE campaign, to put an end to AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa. They believe we can do it, so do I.

I really, really do believe it. I just want you to know, I think this is obvious, but I'm not really going in for the warm fuzzy feeling thing, I'm not a hippy, I do not have flowers in my hair, I come from punk rock, The Clash wore army boots not Birkenstocks. I believe America can do this! I believe that this generation can do this. In fact I want to hear an argument about why we shouldn't.

I know idealism is not playing on the radio right now, you don't see it on TV, irony is on heavy rotation, the knowingness, the smirk, the tired joke. I've tried them all out but I'll tell you this, outside this campus--and even inside it--idealism is under siege beset by materialism, narcissism and all the other isms of indifference. Baggism, Shaggism. Raggism. Notism, graduationism, chismism, I don't know. Where's John Lennon when you need him.

But I don't want to make you cop to idealism, not in front of your parents, or your younger siblings. But what about Americanism? Will you cop to that at least? It's not everywhere in fashion these days, Americanism. Not very big in Europe, truth be told. No less on Ivy League college campuses. But it all depends on your definition of Americanism.

Me, I'm in love with this country called America. I'm a huge fan of America, I'm one of those annoying fans, you know the ones that read the CD notes and follow you into bathrooms and ask you all kinds of annoying questions about why you didn't live up to thatŠ.

I'm that kind of fan. I read the Declaration of Independence and I've read the Constitution of the United States, and they are some liner notes, dude. As I said yesterday I made my pilgrimage to Independence Hall, and I love America because America is not just a country, it's an idea. You see my country, Ireland, is a great country, but it's not an idea. America is an idea, but it's an idea that brings with it some baggage, like power brings responsibility. It's an idea that brings with it equality, but equality even though it's the highest calling, is the hardest to reach. The idea that anything is possible, that's one of the reasons why I'm a fan of America. It's like hey, look there's the moon up there, lets take a walk on it, bring back a piece of it. That's the kind of America that I'm a fan of.

In 1771 your founder Mr. Franklin spent three months in Ireland and Scotland to look at the relationship they had with England to see if this could be a model for America, whether America should follow their example and remain a part of the British Empire.

Franklin was deeply, deeply distressed by what he saw. In Ireland he saw how England had put a stranglehold on Irish trade, how absentee English landlords exploited Irish tenant farmers and how those farmers in Franklin's words "lived in retched hovels of mud and straw, were clothed in rags and subsisted chiefly on potatoes." Not exactly the American dream...

So instead of Ireland becoming a model for America, America became a model for Ireland in our own struggle for independence.

When the potatoes ran out, millions of Irish men, women and children packed their bags got on a boat and showed up right here. And we're still doing it. We're not even starving anymore, loads of potatoes. In fact if there's any Irish out there, I've breaking news from Dublin, the potato famine is over you can come home now. But why are we still showing up? Because we love the idea of America.

We love the crackle and the hustle, we love the spirit that gives the finger to fate, the spirit that says there's no hurdle we can't clear and no problem we can't fix. (sound of helicopter) Oh, here comes the Brits, only joking. No problem we can't fix. So what's the problem that we want to apply all this energy and intellect to?

Every era has its defining struggle and the fate of Africa is one of ours. It's not the only one, but in the history books it's easily going to make the top five, what we did or what we did not do. It's a proving ground, as I said earlier, for the idea of equality. But whether it's this or something else, I hope you'll pick a fight and get in it. Get your boots dirty, get rough, steel your courage with a final drink there at Smoky Joe's, one last primal scream and go.

Sing the melody line you hear in your own head, remember, you don't owe anybody any explanations, you don't owe your parents any explanations, you don't owe your professors any explanations. You know I used to think the future was solid or fixed, something you inherited like an old building that you move into when the previous generation moves out or gets chased out.

But it's not. The future is not fixed, it's fluid. You can build your own building, or hut or condo, whatever; this is the metaphor part of the speech by the way.

But my point is that the world is more malleable than you think and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape. Now if I were a folksinger I'd immediately launch into "If I Had a Hammer" right now get you all singing and swaying. But as I say I come from punk rock, so I'd rather have the bloody hammer right here in my fist.

That's what this degree of yours is, a blunt instrument. So go forth and build something with it. Remember what John Adams said about Ben Franklin, "He does not hesitate at our boldest Measures but rather seems to think us too irresolute."

Well this is the time for bold measures. This is the country, and you are the generation. Thank you.

claiming what is rightfully mine

2008-06-10T11:56:00.000+08:00

since Father Gus gave me a failing mark for Lab Rel, which should not have been the case in the first place, i thought to myself that i should get what is due me. (i failed because of the accumulated point deductions i got for every page that i exceed when i answered the exam questions in an essay format). so there, i had to take up review classes over the summer for two weeks (kaya naman delayed ang bakasyon ko) plus take an exam.

for the weeks that came after i took the exam, all i could think of was that, "i should pass and be a regular senior this semester because i only failed because of a technicality." i prayed long and hard and of course, i also asked my friends and family to pray for me too (lalo na ung malakas ke Lord, pinakiusapan kong ipagdasal ako).

thank God for hearing those prayers. i am now officially a senior law (lost) student.

all in one day

2008-06-08T22:05:00.003+08:00

i met up with two sets of three women last 4th of june..

the first set was composed of women who are linked to men in uniform at present and in the past. i don't have a picture of us four, but it's posted in Soloops' multiply account.

the lunch date proved to be too short for sharing each other's life stories... but we said we'd see each other sometime in the future :)

come dinnertime, i also had a meeting with three of my closest gal pals back in college. it has been 4 years since we last saw each other but we didn't change much, except our ages hehe (lucky, i'm the youngest among us four).

i guess girls will be girls and we need our gal pals to remind us of how our quirks can drive men nuts. sex and the city the movie could not have been more timely..though my friends opted to wait for the DVD copy, i think the wait is worth it. the movie is replete with cuts which aren't even done in a manner that would guarantee continuity of the story's flow (ipilit ba kasing PG13 ang rating).

a tag which is long overdue (i was tagged by Mommy Kiel)

2008-06-05T00:01:00.003+08:00

1. This game starts with 6 weird things about you.
2. People who got tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things.
3. They should as well state this rule clearly.
4. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

i read 3 or more books at a given time because i love to switch from one book to another. usually, i have 2 books by my bed side and 2 or more in the bathroom :)
my caffeine fix is usually san mig coffee extra strong sugar free with milo and fresh milk and sometimes, if i get to come home to the province where coffee is brewed and barako, i usually take it black and sometimes with cream but always without the sugar.
i used to love eating cold spaghetti straight from the fridge and spread some mayonnaise on it. yum :)
i have this habit of making the sign of the cross before i bathe (i got this from a yaya who used to make me do the sign of the cross before taking baths, whether in the sea or just in the bathroom of the house)
i can make clicking sounds with my tongue which i used to call on my high school friends instead of clapping my hands to get their attention
i used to collect table napkins from different restaurants where i have already dined at. (i don't know what happened to that collection. i guess it's lost when i moved my stuff from baguio to bulacan then to davao)

i tag Karla, Felai, Jazzie, Xalai, Rex and everyone at Sayote Republic

as she turns a month older

2008-06-03T13:18:00.000+08:00

i look back to the day when she first laid her eyes on this world.. because i missed that day. welcome baby! :)

ayesha shiloh's pictures

for the second consecutive weekend

2008-05-31T19:11:00.001+08:00

you're not here

on the next weekend,
i won't be here

hay..how did this come about?

STOP! thinking..

STOP THINKING!

my break so far

2008-05-28T18:06:00.004+08:00

as promised, i did everything in my power to convince some people to let me come here, partly because of family reasons but primarily because of you. so how come i don't get the same accommodation you usually get when you visit me in davao?

in the meantime, i'm catching up on family members' lives while i await your beck and call that finally, you can be free for me.

hay.. i have been told by a military wife (who happens to be your mistah and fosby's wife) that this is how it really is.. even marriage won't work a difference. you and your work will dictate how much time you'll get to spend with me.

i just hope that with all these, you get to realize how much i am trying to be a part of your life without necessarily taking away that which is most dear to you, your career. i am happy that yours (career) is taking shape and so is mine. i just pray that you remember how much we used to tell each other that careers should not come in OUR way. it is so easy to succumb to doubts (because i'm a natural skeptic) and allocating lesser time for US and not telling me about the possibility that your schooling might go beyond the six-month period you initially told me will not help matters.

leaving in less than 2 days

2008-05-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

i already have a round trip ticket to manila, thanks to my sponsor :)

i'm leaving even when i haven't finished the credit transactions assignment. hay.. this would have to wait, because i am in dire need of a distraction. i worry too much and it's not good anymore.

whew! a time out always gives me the rejuvenated feeling of taking on something new (such as turning senior this academic year). i still am crossing my fingers since i don't have my second sem grades yet.

well, i have to leave that behind for two weeks and enjoy everything manila and the people i love there have to offer.

John Mayer's Why Georgia

2008-05-19T20:50:00.003+08:00

I am driving up 85 in the
kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom

Four more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
and leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
wood in places to make it feel like home
but all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

Either way, I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on me
but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
still "Everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask yourself

If you are living it right
Are you living it right?
Are you living it right?
Why, tell me why
Why, why Georgia why?

the lines say so much already..
oh, how i dread the veracity of the idea that Reality is stranger than fiction. no wonder all my books offer no escape. i feel so trapped. tch!

generalizations, hasty ones at that

2008-05-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

in philosophy, generalizing is one form of fallacy and can be related to another form of fallacy called non sequitur (it does not follow). the whole cannot be judged acoording to the actions of one nor does it follow that the act of one is also done by others within the same group (even if it is a group who is notorious for its concerted action through an authority figure's mandate).

after all, as the wise Dumbledore would have it, "it is our choices that set us apart from the others." notwithstanding the fact that the fruit can very well be characteristic of the tree, if and when the fruit happens to be rotting or becomes rotten, to a great extent the fruit is culpable and not the tree. this is because, everybody is gifted with free will.

the lesson: be accountable for every word spoken, every deed committed, every omission and accept the fact that humanity comes with limitations which is somehow an excuse for doing lousy things to other people but is never meant as a license to inflict pain on others.

3, er 4 more to go

2008-05-15T23:45:00.002+08:00

i just got my grade in Special Proceedings. there are three more subjects left plus the subject which i had to take during the summer, i.e. four subjects, all in ll.

supposedly, the grades are due for submission since monday. however, there are professors who have not yet submitted our grades. well, on the brighter side of things, it could be a step in preparation for the bar on the other hand, it could mean more agonizing-waiting period.

i think i'll be able to go to manila on the 3rd week of may since classes start on the 9th of june. i just hope the airfares are not exorbitant then.

the QLC

2008-05-14T11:13:00.005+08:00

the other day, my college buddy and i caught up on each other's lives. she remarked how low she has been feeling, not only lately but most times. i cannot help but relate and identify with her. i too have been feeling that same kind of low, and at this point in our lives when we are supposed to be at our peak.

we both attributed this feeling to QLC or more commonly known as quarterlife crisis. according to wikipedia, characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
confusion of identity
insecurity regarding the near future
insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
tendency to hold stronger opinions
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
loneliness
desire to have children
a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.

So, we talked about it until there is nothing left to say and we were both left with a resigned feeling that indeed, growing up is a shitty thing. i can only commiserate and empathize with her on that matter because i too have known and felt how shitty growing up can get.

hay.. gone are the days when we could just be students and think grand thoughts about how best to contribute to make this place a better place to live in and ponder on that overarching theory which would bridge the natural sciences, the social sciences and religion into one.

in a year or so (hopefully, i am so crossing my fingers), i am leaving yet another comfort zone. i ought to be prepared, but how?

we can only pray to God every single day to keep our wits about us and that we may be possessed of courage to go on living even when to live is to be marked...to change, to die one hundred deaths (The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver).

the D-day that has been

2008-05-12T09:48:00.004+08:00

last 10th of may, i took the special labor relations exam with the Father.

but before that, some events terrified me more than all those horror/gory flicks could. supposedly, there are three of us who will take that special exam. but early on, one classmate failed another subject thus, automatically disqualifying her to take the exam (we had a proviso with Father, that we could take the exam for so long as we only failed in labor relations subject for the entire academic year). unfortunately, a day before the scheduled exam, my other classmate failed a subject (haaay..). it was regrettable because he has been burning the midnight oil right after the review classes were concluded.

i stood the only remaining student qualified to take the exam. my horror did not proceed from the fact that i am taking that exam but because i had to take that exam ALONE. the picture i have conjured in my mind is one with only father and i in a classroom with 30 persons or more seating capacity and father would be there at the teacher's table and i would be in the middle of the classroom. whaaaaaaaa..

i chided my classmate for failing (i know, i do not have that right), but what can i do, i was that terrified.

with no other choice left but take the exam, i spent the remaining time, reviewing, praying, sleeping and eating (not necessarily in that order). the night before the exam was agonizing. i alternated between sleeping and praying.

thank goodness i woke up early on the day of the exam, that way i still have time to psyche myself for the d-day with father. i got to school early and reviewed some more and prayed and prayed and prayed until it was time to take the exam.

when i came in the law school office. ma'am G assigned the conference room to be the exam room. when father learned that i was the only one left to take the exam, he followed me in the exam room (and i was then shaking both from anxiety and from terror, i thought father would stay in the room the entire time i'd be taking the exam), i was so relieved when he only came in the room to turn the ACU on and thereafter left me in peace.

after an hour and 15 minutes, i finished the exam. i could not make a proper assessment of how the exam was nor how i fared because, according to a classmate who saw me sitting on the bench outside the office remarked at how "bangag" i was. when i told him i just took the lab rel exam, he just nodded in understanding.

hay.. i know that the Lord has been with me before, during and after i took the exam. thank God for that day and its implications on my status in school.

well, it's out of my hands now. all there is left to do is WAIT and the waiting is killing me.

just because

2008-05-07T19:57:00.000+08:00

is there really a need to answer the WHYS?

or is ignorance really bliss?

is the truth really too much to handle?

or is it better to protect someone by telling a white lie?

but i hope you would one day indulge me with an answer to the WHY, just because i would like to know and in knowing i hope to be able to understand you better and come to terms with everything that has tanspired and forge on ahead.

i pray that i will still be alive when you finally decide to tell me all about it.

four-eyed creature

2008-05-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

for almost a year, i have not been wearing my eyeglasses for the simple reason that i have opted to use contact lenses.

years (almost 5) of wearing glasses have taken a toll on my eyes. instead of living true to the name "corrective glasses," my bi-annual visits to the optometrist proved such a term to be untrue because my eyes' grade is continuously increasing.

i have started wearing glasses with only my right eye as impaired, but now both my eyes register a grade of 2.++.

although i have become so comfortable with the contact lenses, i could not help but lust after this very comfortable (i have tried it on already), albeit pricey eyewear by Tag Heuer. haay..

i know i can afford this one day, but for now, i'll stick with the trusty contact lenses.

eventually, i know i will go for that Lasik surgery to correct my vision and free me forever from myopia and the glasses and the contact lenses.

but somehow, some things are not that easy to let go of especially when you have been used to having such things.

nullum crimen, nulla poena sine lege

2008-05-02T10:26:00.002+08:00

"there is no crime where there is no law punishing it."

i long to say these words to father Gus whether in latin or in english. but i know, it is already beyond me and in eight days, all this punishment will come to pass.

the lesson i learned, is to really know the kind of person whom you are dealing with and that dissembling at will can take me far in this profession and to never ever do the things you would not have others do unto you.

what won't kill you can only make you stronger

2008-04-29T12:13:00.001+08:00

or so they say..

and so will i.

i'm back from my hiatus.

i am reclaiming what is rightfully mine, which is this piece of the web which i find sanctity in. somehow, desecration of which cannot be helped.

i say INCUBI, i bid you ADIEU and may you find other souls to torture and find that in the end, you can not keep up with my good friend KARMA.

cut off from my online world

2008-04-18T07:13:00.000+08:00

it's been a week since i have no wireless connection. apparently, my cousin had her wireless antenna transferred to her sister's house who lives just within the neighborhood (since my cousin is abroad). because of this,i can no longer pick up any signal from the apartment. actually, i can if i stayed near the gate. but with my laptop's kaput battery, i would need an extension wire. hay.. hence, updating and blogging are quite a drag. although i have this neat gadget (nokia's communicator), it isstill a drag to surf the net. it is tough to get weaned from something i used to do on a daily basis.

in my solitude, i am reminded of

2008-04-10T17:37:00.002+08:00

your hearty laugh;
your corny jokes;
your interesting stories;
your pagmamayabang every time we talk about our schools;
your cooking;
your eyes;
your smiles that light up your eyes;
your latest gadgets;
your lively comments about life in general;
your views on marriage and family life;
your sincerity when you ask pardon for commissions and omissions;
your passionate retelling of how much effort you've put on to "find me out;"
your spur-of-the-moment decisions to do this or that (like playing arcade games at timezone);
your consoling voice when you have to bid me goodbye momentarily and hopefully temporarily;
your irresistible hugs;
your way of washing clothes which is by not turning them inside out because according to you, you are washing the outside because that is what is seen when the clothing is worn;
your earnest efforts to score pogi points for my Nanay;

and of course,

the fact that i am alone here and that you're there and we're islands apart.

departure

2008-04-08T20:31:00.003+08:00

the ensign will be deplaning in manila in a few minutes.

in the silence that engulfed the apartment, i cannot help but cry.

the heavy feeling won't go.

i wish it would go so i could get on with the study of law.

hay..

i should get used to this by now.

HOW and WHY

2008-04-02T16:30:00.000+08:00

until now, i'm still guessing.

hay women, when did we have this thing for closures?

i just want to forge on ahead..

really, i want to.

but that closure thingy must have been complied with before i can really move on.

april's fool's day surprise

2008-04-02T10:52:00.001+08:00

it turned out to be a fine day despite the cramps from dysmenorrhea. :)

i can now happily count the hours until his plane lands..

welcome home then dear..

to the Philippines whom we have been treating with INDIFFERENCE

2008-03-31T17:23:00.003+08:00

this is a message which circulated in the email and wound up its way to my inbox. this might be able to stoke that dying fire which was kindled some months ago by the ZTE scandal. more than this, knowing how REACTIONARY the Philippine society is, this "opinion" rendered by an alien might just be the jolt that we need.

" Love For The Philippines "

As you know, we have plenty of Koreans currently
studying in the Philippines to take advantage of
our cheaper tuition fees and learn English at the
same time.

This is an essay written by a Korean student i
want to share with you. (Never mind the grammar; it's the CONTENT that
counts) Maybe it is timely to think about this in the midst of all the
confusion at present.

MY SHORT ESSAY ABOUT THE PHILIPPINES
Jaeyoun Kim

Filipinos always complain about the corruption in the Philippines .. Do you really think the corruption is the problem of the Philippines ? I do not think so. I strongly believe that the problem is the lack of love for the Philippines ..

Let me first talk about my country, Korea ..
It might help you understand my point.

After the Korean War, South Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world. Koreans had to start from scratch because entire country was destroyed after the Korean War, and we had no natural resources.

Koreans used to talk about the Philippines , for Filipinos were very rich in Asia .. We envy Filipinos. Koreans really wanted to be well off like Filipinos. Many Koreans died of famine. My father & brother also died because of famine.

Korean government was very corrupt and is still very corrupt beyond your imagination, but Korea was able to develop dramatically because Koreans really did their best for the common good with their heart burning with patriotism.

Koreans did not work just for themselves but also for their neighborhood and country. Education inspired young men with the spirit of patriotism.

40 years ago, President Park took over the government to reform Korea .. He tried to borrow money from other countries, but it was not possible to get a loan and attract a foreign investment because the economic situation of South Korea was so bad. Korea had only three factories. So, President Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany so that they could send money to Korea to build a factory. They had to go through horrible experience.

In 1964, President Park visited Germany to borrow money. Hundred of Koreans in Germany came to the airport to welcome him and cried there as they saw the President Park .. They asked to him, "President, when can we be well off?" That was the only question everyone asked to him. President Park cried with them and promised them that Korea would be well off if everyone works hard for Korea , and the President of Germany got the strong impression on them and lent money to Korea .. So, President Park was able to build many factories in Korea .. He always asked Koreans to love
their country from their heart.

Many Korean scientists and engineers in the USA came back to Korea to help developing country because they wanted their country to be well off. Though they received very small salary, they did their best for Korea .. They always hoped that their children would live in well off country.

My parents always brought me to the places where poor and physically handicapped people live. They wanted me to understand their life and help them. I also worked for Catholic Church when I was in the army. The only thing I learned from Catholic Church was that we have to love our neighborhood. And, I have loved my neighborhood. Have you cried for the Philippines ? I have cried for my country several times. I also cried for the Philippines because of so many poor people. I have been to the New Bilibid prison. What made me sad in the prison were the prisoners who do not have any love for their country.They go to mass and work for Church. They pray everyday.

However, they do not love the Philippines .. I talked to two prisoners at the maximum-security compound,and both of them said that they would leave the Philippines right after they are released from the prison. They said that they would start a new life in other countries and never come back to the Philippines ..

Many Koreans have a great love for Korea so that we were able to share our wealth with our neighborhood. The owners of factory and company were distributed their profit to their employees fairly so that employees could buy what they needed and saved money for the future and their children.

When I was in Korea , I had a very strong faith and wanted to be a priest. However, when I came to the Philippines , I completely lost my faith. I was very confused when I saw many unbelievable situations in the Philippines .. Street kids always make me sad, and I see them everyday. The Philippines is the only Catholic country in Asia , but there are too many poor people here. People go to church every Sunday to pray, but nothing has been changed.

My parents came to the Philippines last week and saw this situation. They told me that Korea was much poorer than the present Philippines when they were young. They are so sorry that there are
so many beggars and street kids. When we went to Pasangjan, I forced my parents to take a boat because it would fun. However, they were not happy after taking a boat. They said that they would not take the boat again because they were sympathized the boatmen, for the boatmen were very poor and had a small frame. Most of people just took a boat and enjoyed it. But, my parents did not enjoy it because of love for them.

My mother who has been working for Catholic Church since I was very young told me that if we just go to mass without changing ourselves, we are not Catholic indeed. Faith should come with action. She added that I have to love Filipinos and do good things for them because all of us are same and have received a great love from God. I want Filipinos to love their neighborhood and country as much as they love God so that the Philippines will be well off.

I am sure that love is the keyword, which Filipinos should remember. We cannot change the sinful structure at once. It should start from person. Love must start in everybody, in a small scale and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we open up to love. Let's put away our prejudices and look at our worries with our new eyes.

I discover that every person is worthy to be loved. Trust in love, because it makes changes possible. Love changes you and me. It changes people, contexts and relationships. It changes the world. Please love your neighborhood and country.

Jesus Christ said that whatever we do to others we do to Him. In the Philippines , there is God for people who are abused and abandoned. There is God who is crying for love. If you have a child, teach them how to love the Philippines .. Teach them why they have to love their neighborhood and country. You already know that God also will be very happy if you love others.

That's all I really want to ask you Filipinos.

when did the APATHY start?

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

i heart INCUBUS; the lines' poignancy can move me to tears

2008-03-31T02:59:00.010+08:00

I Miss You

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?

I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you

Wish You Were Here

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here

I lay my head on to the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air

Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)

I'm home alone tonight
Full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflight
I think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly possible
With you

So I call you on the tin can phone
We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're alone
I may have found a way for you and I to finally fly free

When we get there, we're gonna go far away
Making sure to laugh, while we experience anti-gravity

For years, I kept to myself
Now potentialities are bound, and sleeping under my shelf
Simply choose your destination from the diamond canopy
And we'll be there

So I call you on the tin can phone
We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're alone
I may have found the way for you and I to finally be free

hay..

when are you coming?

a cause is won

2008-03-30T22:59:00.002+08:00

the sumilao farmers went home victorious in reclaiming what was theirs in the first place.

however, victory could not be that sweet since they only got half of what they are claiming and the rest of the land, they will have to pay for.

still, there's reason to rejoice.

the 2007 bar exam results are out

2008-03-29T13:03:00.001+08:00

the long wait is finally over. sadly, not all who took the exam passed it. there is a next time though and there is a reason for the non-passing.

the top ten bar exam passers are as follows:

1 Mercedita L. Ona, Ateneo De Manila University, 83.55
2 Jennifer Ong, University of the Philippines-Diliman, 83.35
3 Yvanna BL Maalat, Ateneo, 82.75
4 Jennie C. Aclan, University of San Carlos, 82.10
5 John Michael F. Galauran, University of Nueva Caceres, 81.60
6 Karen S. Canullas, San Sebastian College, 81.40
7 Cecille L. Mejia, Ateneo De Manila University, 81.35
Sheryl Ann D. Tizon, University of the Philippines-Diliman, 81.35
8 Marforth T. Fua, San Beda College, 81.20
9 Ruby M. Luy, Ateneo De Davao University, 81.15
10 Christian B. Llido, University of Cebu, 80.90
Vivian S. Tan, University of the Philippines-Diliman, 80.90

check out the rest of the passers at supreme court.

congratulations to the new batch of lawyers! :)

may the lawyer's oath be your guide in all dealings you make involving the legal profession.

just like the flowers in summer

2008-03-28T22:12:00.001+08:00

i too need my sunshine.